“Aims to reduce parents stress,” describes one headline. I can’t help thinking that affordable childcare and improved maternity services might be a better place to start, but hey, perhaps what parents really need is yet another product that will change their lives.
It reminds me of the time I was standing next to the play area of a park with a group of other mums, shortly after having my first baby, all of us a little shell-shocked, with tired confusion behind the eyes. Were we meant to get our babies out of their prams or just stand and watch the swings go back and forth? The conversation had become a little stilted when, glancing down at my second-hand pram, one mum asked, “Did you not get a new pram?”
“Erm, no. This one was £20 from a friend of a friend who didn’t need it anymore,” I answered, immediately noticing the uneasiness in my stomach. I felt unqualified for this job.
“Oh, I did,” replied another, “This one got really good reviews and it’s really sturdy which I think is important.”
It turned out that they had all bought new prams, all with numerous fancy features that I had never considered. What did this make me? Even more of an outsider in a group I was already feeling like I didn’t know well enough to be sharing such a momentous experience with? An irresponsible parent? Maybe my pram wasn’t supporting my baby’s spine well enough. Had I even read any reviews? I resolved to do some research as soon as I got home.
I can’t remember now how long it was before I ended up buying a new pram. I can report that my child never came to any harm in those early months while being transported in a perfectly adequate (if slightly older) pram.
But this is not about the age of my pram. I fully understand why many parents do need to buy a new pram when they have their first baby. But there were countless other things I ended up buying in those early months that I never used or actually needed.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some advances in safety features and parental gadgets more generally that are utterly brilliant, and indeed life-changing. But this is about how, particularly as a new parent, you are constantly bombarded with new accessories and products that you probably don’t require, during a time when you are feeling particularly vulnerable. Marketing departments know this! Pregnancy and new parenthood are BIG business to big businesses.
As a result, it’s a minefield when it comes to ‘stuff you need’ as a new parent. Friends and family all have differing opinions, the shop fronts are filled with ‘must-haves’, and you see advertisements when you’re up in the middle of the night assuring you that a course that is “now only $20” will guarantee your baby sleeps through the night. It would be hard to make decisions navigating this new world at the best of times, but with hormones raging, having had little sleep, and when the decisions you’re making involve the most precious thing in your entire world, they are loaded and stressful. Not to mention that you are also trying to figure out who you are as a parent, conscious that perhaps it’s no longer about the clothes you are wearing but the cup holder on the side of your pram.
Imagine if there was more focus on supporting parents during this period rather than just selling them stuff they don’t need? If it was about giving parents the confidence to trust their instincts, the knowledge to make considered decisions and the community support to help navigate the obstacles? Standing in the park that day, I wish my answer had been, “That looks great but actually this one suits me fine,” and then spent my money on more coffee to keep me awake!
This is what My First Five Years are so passionate about.
We asked the My First Five Years community to share their must-have items for pregnancy and new parenthood – the stuff they actually ended up using. You can read it here. And this article is a reminder that it doesn’t matter if the nursery is finished (or filled with beautiful prints). Perhaps the first step in shifting the commodification of parenthood is to actually recognise it happening.
We think that what parents actually need more than anything is to feel secure that they are doing an amazing job, that in providing their child with love and care they are winning, whether that be while pushing a new ‘must-have’ pram or not.
That’s what the marketing is never going to say. But that’s the truth.