Troubleshooting potty training – we answer some common questions
If you’ve started potty training, or struggled to start, you probably have lots of questions swirling around your mind about how to cope with tricky moments. We’ve reviewed the latest advice (based on scientific research into potty training and bladder and bowel health) [1, 2] and answered some of the most common questions people ask us.
Potty training is one of the areas of parenting which feels incredibly important, and can also be a little daunting. There’s a heap of information out there being shared online, by friends and family and by professionals. The quality of advice, and research, can vary enormously and can also become outdated quickly as new research is carried out.
We approach all our research and advice from an evidence-based viewpoint here at MFFY, so you know everything we write about is backed up by science. With this in mind, we feel it’s important to say that there is still some debate in the scientific community about when and how to potty train. New studies are being done all the time, and for some aspects of potty training there is simply a lack of good-quality clinical evidence.
We have reviewed the research and evidence available and will continue to give you the most accurate and useful advice based on this. But we also constantly review and assess our articles based on new evidence – so this may not be the last you hear from us when it comes to potty training advice!
The potty training advice for parents from ERIC (the UK’s children’s bladder and bowel charity) has recently been updated based on clinical evidence and research compiled by ERIC and their partners. We feel strongly that this approach reflects good levels of research and evidence, which is why we’re sharing it with you.
Do you need to start at any particular time? Can you miss the moment to potty train?
Advice from bladder and bowel charities is that most children will be ready to start potty training around 18 months old, and that it is best to try to potty train between 18 and 30 months.[1, 2]
Everyone is different, and no children learn new skills at exactly the same pace, so remember: the journey from starting potty training to your child being able to use a toilet or potty independently is a process.
Different skills will be learnt at different paces, and if your child has other learning needs they may need more time or more adjustment to the process to succeed with potty training.
It’s not a race, and as with everything the more a skill is practised the easier your child will find it. This is why starting early is recommended, even if you think your child will need a while to get the hang of things.
It’s never too late to start potty training, though, and you should never be made to feel you have done something wrong if your child is older than these recommended ages.
Everyone is managing their priorities within different experiences, so the decisions you make for your family are unique and right for you. If your child is a little older, it may just be that they will need more support to build their confidence.
What about nap times and night times?
It sounds daunting, but once you stop using nappies in the day, the advice from children’s bladder and bowel charity ERIC is to stop using them for sleep as well.[1]
We absolutely suggest getting waterproof mattress protectors, as with any skill getting to grips with nighttime potty use takes time and there will be accidents along the way.
Help your toddler get into the habit of going to the toilet before bed; it can also help to think about trying to make sure they drink plenty in the morning and afternoon so that they need less fluids in the evening, before their longer night sleep.
You want your child to get used to the feeling of needing a wee (or poo) while asleep and going to the toilet, so lifting them onto the potty for ‘dream wees’ is not really recommended. It won’t harm them, but means they don’t learn the signals they need to know to wake them for a wee at night when that’s needed.
Accidents happen, but how can you cope with them in a way that works for you and your child?
Accidents are normal! Never make your child feel bad for having had an accident, or punish them for this. Adding shame or worry to the situation will add to the stress for your child and demoralise them, which can make them find potty training harder overall.
If your child has an accident, calmly help them to get cleaned up and changed. Let them know that next time they should use the potty or toilet before they have an accident, and remind them where it is or how to ask for help.
Encourage your child to help with the process of changing and cleaning up where they can, and offer them a chance to sit on the potty or toilet while they change.
Many children feel embarrassed or vulnerable after an accident, so once you’ve explained about using the potty, we suggest chatting about unrelated things as you help them clean up. This can keep the focus off the accident and help them to re-centre their emotions.
How can you motivate a reluctant child to use the potty? Should you use a reward chart?
Try to stay calm and positive about using the potty whenever the topic comes up. Keeping it fun, and low pressure, is a big help for children when learning new things, so focus on making it part of their routine they might look forward to.
Try to avoid the temptation to ask if your toddler needs the potty every few minutes. Focus on encouraging them to go at key points in the day like when they wake up, after meals or drinks and before going to bed, then only ask if you notice clear signs your toddler might need a wee or poo (like a little wiggly dance).
If your child is nervous or not interested in the potty, make it fun! Let them play with a (clean) potty and have teddy go for a wee, read books and watch shows where people use the potty and toilet, and let them use the potty in a way which works for them. You could let them choose which part of the bathroom the potty is in, or add a few special potty toys to a basket which they can use while they wee.
We don’t recommend reward charts, in general. This includes for potty training. Reward charts can seem like a quick win as children (like us) are motivated by immediate reward for a while, but if they are not motivated to do something by an internal drive then when the reward stops (or becomes boring) they won’t be able to continue the habit you were trying to promote.
We want children to go to the potty because they have learnt it helps them and is a good experience – that internal drive is stronger than rewards and worth the extra time it can take to really get to grips with during potty training.
Worried nursery (or other people taking care of them) will undo all your hard work? How to make the experience smooth for all of you.
The key thing here is to be really open, and really clear, about your approach to potty training. Talk to your child’s other caregivers ahead of starting potty training so they know what to expect and have time to prepare or ask you questions.
Potty training will work best when your child has a consistent message and approach being shared with them, so you might need to write down any key information for others. Make sure everyone involved knows how your child communicates that they need the toilet.
If you feel your approach is not being supported, don’t be afraid to be insistent that you want them to listen and follow your role. You may want to share an article or two from MFFY with them, or direct them to the ERIC website (a charity who researches and trains others on children’s bladder and bowel conditions, including potty training). Our approach is based on the same research and is informed by ERIC’s expertise in potty training for better bladder and bowel health.
Who to go to for help if it is just not working at all.
Sometimes, things just don’t come together as you hoped, and often in this case you need more personalised advice.
We recommend you look to ERIC (a charity who researches children’s bladder and bowel conditions, including potty training). As well as having a huge amount of information and advice available on their website, ERIC runs a helpline for parents who are struggling or concerned. The details for contacting the helpline can be found here.
If you think there may be a medical reason your child is struggling with potty training, or you want to speak to someone in person, contact your Health Visitor or GP for advice and support.
Still looking for more information?
You may find the answer you’re looking for in one of our other articles about potty training; they are all linked below to make it easy to find what you need.
Can it really be time to think about a potty? Yes, and it's not as scary as it sounds!
Potty Power! Helping you prepare for potty training
Time for potting training? Here's the latest advice on how to manage it
References:
[1] ‘Potty training: how to start & best age to potty train’ by ERIC: the children’s bowel & bladder charity (undated). Published online, available here: Potty training: how to start & best age to potty train
[2] ‘Children’s bladder and bowel issues: Some fables and facts’ by Davina Richardson (children's specialist nurse) for Bladder & Bowel UK. (2020). Published online, available here: Children's bladder and bowel issues: Some fables and facts