It might sound like an exaggeration, but the truth is that while your baby may ease into routines as they grow (meaning you can anticipate a time to actually eat lunch, hooray!), the demands of early parenthood can often be stealthily replaced by other demands on your time. From baby classes to extra-curricular activities after school, from park trips to parties, prioritising your child can take a lot of time, which is fine, as long as you are also prioritising some time for yourself.
If you’re reading this while trapped under a baby on the sofa, we see you. There’s no doubt that the early months of parenting can be challenging and unpredictable, as your baby’s needs change from one week to the next.
But we also know that putting yourself at the top of the list at least some of the time is important. Because you might be able to pour from a dwindling cup for a little while, but over time that becomes much more difficult as the cup empties, and besides, you absolutely deserve to look after yourself.
A while ago, we saw an interview with the excellent Brené Brown (an American professor, author, and podcast host, if you haven’t heard of her). In it, she talked about the ‘family-based decisions’ they make in her family.
This involves herself, her husband and children (who are older) discussing what they’d each like, and ultimately coming to a compromise that allows the family to function well as each person has something that they’d like to do. For example, a child might want to do two after-school activities, but will do one instead, so that their father has time to pursue a hobby as well.
Although the conversation involved a family with older children, we think there is room in this model for younger children too. Even asking yourself what most benefits your family may shift your priorities to include making time for the things that make you relaxed, energised or happy, as ultimately a burnt-out parent won’t help your family at all.
So, when you’re planning your week ahead, think about decisions in terms of what works for your family as a whole, and allow your routine to be flexible.
This might mean skipping baby class in favour of some downtime at home, leaving something on your to-do list for another day, or deciding to prioritise meeting a friend for coffee over vacuuming. Essentially, thinking this way should make sure that you keep your needs and wants as something worthy of consideration and prioritisation.
If you need any further encouragement to think about your own needs, consider that children learn by what they see us doing, not just by what we tell them to do. By showing your child that it’s ok to look after yourself, you are modelling how to make that happen, so that when they are adults, they too will understand the need to take of themselves and will make time to do so.
If you feel like you’re struggling under the weight of the mental load, check out our article on how to manage it here.
Our app is packed full of thousands of activities that allow you to support your child’s development in a way that fits in with your daily life, meaning you can make the most of quality time together in a way that still allows you time to look after yourself, too. Search for the My First Five Years app on the App Store or Google Play, or click the buttons to the bottom right of this page.