Winning and losing – developing emotional regulation

We all have moments of disappointment in life, it might be missing out on the promotion you were hoping for or seeing your favourite football team relegated. We can cope with disappointment and might have some strategies to help us respond calmly, but that takes practice. So, how might playing games help your child develop these skills? 

Coping with disappointment takes lots of practice and uses our executive functions skills (that help us plan, control impulses and stay focused), which take time to develop.  

Competitive games (games with a winner and loser) can help your child to practise and develop the skills they need to manage disappointment. 

 You can support them with this by: 

• Acknowledging how they feel if they are disappointed when they lose.  
• Showing them how to respond through what you say and your actions. So, when you lose, you might say, “I am disappointed I didn’t win that time, but well done. You won.”  
• Talk about enjoying the game, so don’t only focus on who won or lost.  

You might have heard concerns that competitive games can be harmful to social-emotional development, or too upsetting for the child who loses.  

Researchers wanted to investigate this and found that while these games are challenging, they support emotional development so have a positive rather than a negative impact.^[1] 

Reference: 

[1] Parlatan, M. & Sigirtmac, A.D. (2021). ‘Preschool children’s behaviours in competitive games: are these games really harmful to social-emotional development’. Early Child Development and Care. https://doi.org/10.1080/03004430.2021.1990910