Should my toddler be checking with me before they do something new?

Does your toddler seem to just dive into a new situation without looking back? If you’ve been reading about social referencing, you might be wondering if that’s ok. Don’t worry, we’re here to help you. 

What is social referencing?

Your toddler is approaching a new and interesting object – perhaps the steps in an unfamiliar café. They look at the steps, then back at you, before looking again at the steps. But what next? Will they boldly approach the steep set of steps or hesitate and avoid the hazard?  

The answer might well lie in your reaction to that momentary look you shared. If you were wide-eyed and fearful, perhaps using a tone of voice to match, your toddler is far less likely to approach the steps.    

This process of looking to another person to help inform your own reaction to a situation is called social referencing. 

It takes place whenever you look at someone else, read that person’s response and then change your behaviour towards an object or situation.  

The other person’s facial expression, gestures, body language, tone of voice and what they say might all impact your own response. Encountering an object or animal for the first time, being in an unfamiliar place or meeting a stranger could all be classed as ‘ambiguous’ situations, in which social referencing can be a useful tool.   

Do all children use social referencing?  

Interestingly, research seems to indicate that children choose when to use social referencing. They are most likely to rely on social referencing in ‘ambiguous’ situations – when something is completely new and unknown to them.  

For example, children might stop to gauge their parent’s reaction when approaching a never-before-seen object, then follow the social referencing cues they receive, but it would be very unusual for them to stop and look to their parents for social referencing when approaching a much-loved toy at home. [1]  

Not all children will use social referencing to the same degree and if you feel your toddler is not showing significant signs of social referencing in their day-to-day actions, don’t worry!   

Every child is an individual who will have a different threshold for uncertainty, and because they tend to use social referencing only in truly ‘ambiguous’ situations, [2] it may simply be that your toddler is not currently encountering sufficiently unknown challenges.  

What should I do if I’m still worried? 

Social referencing is an important development in your toddler’s exploration of the world around them, but it is also a very individual skill. If you have concerns about your toddler’s use of social referencing (particularly if you feel this is putting them at risk, or it comes alongside concerns in other areas of development, such as joint attention, emotional development or speech delay) speak to your health professional for advice and support.    

References:  

[1] Bandura, A. (1992) ‘Social Cognitive Therory of Social Referencing’ in Feinman, S. (ed.), Social Referencing and the Social Construction of Reality in Infancy New York: Springer Science+Business Media.   

[2] Hertenstein, M. and Vandivier, L. (2013) ‘Social Referencing in Infancy: Important Findings and Future Directions’ in Mohiyeddini, C., Eysenck, M. and Bauer, S. (Editors) Handbook of Psychology of Emotions PLACE:Nova Science Publishers, Inc.