Why can developing self-awareness be frustrating for your toddler?

Toddlers possess an incredible drive for independence, which can be hard for us as parents – you'll have heard people talk about 'the terrible twos'. But toddlers are terrific in their determination to learn so much every day and keep on developing. Of course, it will involve big emotions along the way! 

Sometimes your toddler might be overwhelmed with emotion about things as simple as which plate they eat from. This is not as irrational as it may seem; there are several reasons why this phase of development can bring about strong emotions.  

I want to do it – independence and frustration 

Your toddler is becoming more aware of their independence. They know they’re a separate individual and will show this by mastering skills such as recognising themselves in a mirror.  

They will want to do some things for themselves, and decide what to do and when, but this can’t always happen, which will be frustrating for them (and you) at times. 

Understanding other possibilities – a wonderful step in development, but more frustration 

Your toddler’s cognitive skills are also developing, and they are starting to be able to think about other possibilities – not only the thing that they can see, touch or hear in that moment.   

They might have the green plate but be able to think about having the blue one.  

Again, this is a really important step in your toddler’s development as in the future being able to think about possibilities will help them to make decisions and plan.  

Brains take a long time to develop – so your toddler needs your mature, calm brain to help them 

Now, however, your toddler’s brain is still developing.  

The parts of the brain that help us to think things through, to reason and to control our impulses develop over years; in fact, our brains continue to develop into our early twenties.  

What this means is that your toddler can become overwhelmed by their emotions, they find it difficult to regulate their emotions and their responses.  

Try to remember that they are very much living in that moment, and in that moment having the blue plate rather than the green is really important to them. And sometimes, you have to pick your battles!