Top tips for co-regulation – how you can help your toddler with their big emotions

You might have heard of co-regulation – where someone helps us to regulate our emotions, often when things feel overwhelming. For an adult it could be a hug or chatting to a friend. When emotions bubble over for your toddler, they need your help to regulate them. You’re already a pro at doing this, but here are more pointers for restoring calm.   

How you can help your toddler when it all gets ‘too much’ 

• Do things together that you both enjoy 

You have been helping your toddler regulate since they were born; you will have held them to comfort them or noticed when they were getting tired.  

The first step to co-regulation is responding to and interacting with your toddler – this helps them know that they can trust you.  

Some of how you help when your toddler is overwhelmed is linked to enjoying times together, playing and doing the things you both enjoy when they aren’t feeling overwhelmed!  

• Keep as calm as possible, or take time to calm yourself  

Your toddler will often match your emotions, so if when they become overwhelmed you do too, they might take longer to calm.  

It’s not always easy to keep your cool, so give yourself time to regain your composure.  

• Name the feeling 

When you are calm, then help your toddler to calm. You could acknowledge how they are feeling and reassure them, by being there, and letting them know that you will help them.   

By naming the feeling, you’re giving your toddler some language, and context, to help them understand what’s happening to them. This is the first step to (a long time in the future) them being able to recognise their feelings and control their responses.  

• Make a suggestion 

You could suggest something else that you could do together.  

If they are frustrated because they can’t have something, then acknowledge how they are feeling but stick with what you have said. You might say, “I know you are sad because you wanted my phone, but you can’t have it now. We could play with the bricks instead.”  

Sometimes, you might need to give your toddler a bit of time before a suggestion is helpful.  

• Think about your routine 

Your toddler might find it more difficult to manage their emotions at certain times, perhaps if they are tired or hungry.  

Think when they might become more easily frustrated and ways you can help them.  

Perhaps suggest a story when they seem a bit tired or overexcited, or have some quiet time together at the end of a busy day.