What is theory of mind – and how does it help your child make friends?

Theory of mind is the understanding of the thoughts, feelings and ideas of other people. It is a skill that your child has been developing for some time and one that will help them as they make friends. Understanding other people’s ideas, thoughts and emotions is an important part of building relationships, it will help your child agree what to play, think about other people’s needs and show empathy – all important aspects of friendship.  

Your child will have learnt about other people by watching those around them and noticing how people respond to experiences and events. They might have noticed what causes some emotions or pretended to be someone else in their play.  

Your comments about your child’s emotions, and how other people are feeling, will have (and will continue to) helped them develop this understanding.  

Your child is beginning to develop their theory of mind skills, including understanding:  

What other people want. 

They will begin to link what people do with their intention, noticing why people do things as well as what they do.  

People’s thoughts. 

They will recognise that people have different ideas and that sometimes different ideas can be true. They also understand that what people do is based on what they think will happen.  

That what people see leads to what they know.  

They will realise that if people haven’t seen something they won’t know about it. When your child develops this understanding, they will expand their accounts of things they have done to provide information the other person needs to be aware of.  

That sometimes people believe things that aren’t true. 

Your child will realise that sometimes people act according to thoughts that are based on incorrect ideas or information.  

That people might not always show how they feel.  

They understand that people might be sad but try to appear happy.  

Theory of mind development continues beyond the first five years of your child’s life. It supports the development of relationships and understanding of things such as sarcasm, lies and figurative language.  

Reference: 

Lowry, L. (undated). “Tuning in” to others: how young children develop theory of mind. The Hanen Centre. Available at: Tuning In to Others: How Young Children Develop Theory of Mind (hanen.org)