The challenge of giving your toddler space (and time) to learn new skills

As parents we often have to think through the complicated dance between what is best (easiest, most comfortable and realistic) right now, and what might be best in the long run for your toddler’s development, independence and confidence. It’s not easy, and there’s no one answer which will work every time, but what we want you to know is that you’re doing an amazing job just by being realistic about when you can, and can’t, let your toddler take the lead. 

You know that your toddler needs lots of chances to try, and fail, at new skills before they really get to grips with them and become able to do something independently. Sometimes, however, you simply find it is easier and faster to help them out to get the job done.  

Getting dressed, and undressed, is a perfect example of the challenge for parents between letting your child have a go, and getting something done when it needs to be done.   

You often need to sort clothing quickly as part of getting somewhere, or doing something, that feels more important than the act of getting dressed itself.  

So you help out and get your toddler’s coat off or outfit on, all the while wishing they were a bit more confident and able to do it themselves – saving you that bit of time spent helping.  

Often, this is when that parent guilt starts to creep in and you worry that not encouraging to do it themselves every time might mean they never learn... what is most important to remember is that this is not realistic – or true!  

While it is important to let your toddler do things for themselves where possible, and certainly to keep in mind that the more they practise the better they will be getting at that task, it will only be a positive experience for both of you if you feel confident and comfortable letting them try.  

This might mean having set times that they do things themselves, and other times that both of you know speed is more important so you will be helping.  

A great opportunity for this is letting your toddler take charge of taking their coat, jacket or cardigan off. You’re both less likely to be under time pressure taking coats off than putting them on, and it will give your toddler that real sense of achievement when they’re able to get themselves comfortable inside.  

Try to remember, as well, that the way you approach who takes charge of a task might change for lots of reasons, from the time pressure to the mood you or your toddler is in. 

Don’t put pressure on yourself to feel it should always be one way or the other, just let your toddler show you their skills whenever you can – and enjoy seeing the progress from needing help to being a confident and independent explorer come at your family’s own pace.