Tell me about it – the link between talking and regulating emotions

All toddlers cry, shout, kick or scream at times. Hopefully, that’s reassuring to know if your toddler is becoming overwhelmed by their emotions at the moment. It’s also useful to know that scientists think there is a link between toddlers struggling with how they feel and talking.  

Talking about toddler’s behaviour – why we don’t talk about tantrums 

When toddlers cry, shout or have a bit of a meltdown, this isn’t manipulation or something your toddler does for attention; and the use of the word ‘tantrum’ to describe it is debated. Some researchers suggest that we should stop using the word and instead describe these moments as ‘dysregulation’.  

When your toddler is overwhelmed by how they’re feeling, they can’t control their reaction and need a calm, trusted adult to help them cope with their emotions.  

You might notice your toddler struggles more with their emotions at certain times, perhaps when they’re tired, hungry or really excited.  

Noticing moments that are harder for your toddler can help you give them a bit of calm time in advance and reduce the number of times they become overwhelmed. 

There will be occasions when there is nothing you or your toddler can do to stop them from becoming upset, angry or frustrated.  

Learning to talk and a reduction in dysregulation 

Professionals have often commented that the severity of tantrums reduces as toddlers start to talk more. In 2019, researchers put this theory to the test in a study with over 2,000 mothers and their toddlers.^[1] 

They found that children who talked more tended to calm down more quickly, although they didn’t investigate why this might be the case.  

So, as your toddler starts to talk more, you may notice they become highly emotional less often and calm more quickly. 

For now, remember that your toddler can’t control these responses without your help, and know that these moments will happen less as they develop language skills.  

If you’re concerned that your toddler becomes overwhelmed frequently or really struggles to calm down even with your reassuring presence, have a chat with your doctor or another professional.  

Reference: 

Manning, B.L., Roberts, M.Y., Estabrook, R. Petitclerc, A. Burns, J.L., Briggs-Gowan, M., Wakschlag, L.S. & Norton, E.S. (2019). ‘Relations between toddler expressive language and temper tantrums in a community sample’. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 65, Article: 101070.