Your questions about behaviour – What do I do when my child says, “I hate you”?
When your child is upset or frustrated and says things like, “I’m not your best friend” or “I don’t like you,” it can be hard not to feel upset or angry yourself.
It might help to think about what your child really means; it takes us a long time to develop the skills needed to recognise our emotions and to talk to other people about them.
My toddler’s biting – what should I do?
Many toddlers bite; it might be a one off, or it might happen several times. Either way, if your toddler bites it can feel awful for you – none of us want our child to be responsible for another child being hurt. So, what might be behind a bite and how can you support your toddler in refraining from doing it?
Biting can be one of those subjects that parents avoid talking with other parents about, but if you tell a friend you were horrified when your toddler bit another child at your favourite parent group – you might well find they’ve been there too!
Emotions – innate or constructed – what can you do when scientists don’t agree?
Sometimes the science of child development is presented to us as if researchers agree, but often there is debate about how we understand our children’s learning and development. One area where there is some disagreement is about if we’re born with a core set of emotions or if they are made as a result of our experiences. The question is an interesting one, and the good news is that these different understandings share similar ideas about how we can support our children.
The classic view of emotion
Emotions are “the glue of relationships” – social psychologist Batja Mesquita’s view
Emotions are often described as universal – suggesting we all have the same emotions. Social psychologist Batja Mesquita studies emotions, and disagrees. She argues that we don’t all experience emotions in the same way and cultural expectations might explain why.
Your toddler is learning about emotions now, as they notice how people respond to other people and events.
Shyness – it's part of all of us
If you remember moments of shyness as a child, it might be important to you that your child is confident in a wide range of situations, and you might worry if they seem to hesitate when somewhere new. Some researchers suggest shyness can be linked to temperament, which means some people might be more likely to be shy than others – but this doesn’t mean this is never going to change and how you respond when your child feels shy can help them thrive.[1]
Feeling shy is natural and it happens to us all – even famous performers and celebrities have moments when they feel shy.
One simple way to help your baby build a healthy relationship with their feelings
Your baby might be getting more curious about other people’s emotions, and watch closely when others react with feeling. They are developing an understanding that not everyone is experiencing the same feelings as them. But how can you help your baby build a healthy understanding of emotions as they grow?
The good news is that one of the most important ways to help your child think about feelings in a healthy way as they grow is incredibly simple to do.
In need of reassurance – ways to support your toddler when they’re feeling nervous
Some days your toddler might not be ready to join in, or try something new. It can feel a little frustrating at times, especially when you know your toddler is able, or you think that they will enjoy it if they would just give it a go. Here are some simple phrases, and ways of thinking, that might make you both feel better in these situations.
You know the feeling: you’ve arrived at the park or at soft play and you know your toddler will have a brilliant time – but they won’t leave your side. The more you try to convince them, the more they don’t want to leave you.
Cognition and emotion –why they go hand in hand
You've probably noticed similar skills in different streams as you’ve worked your way through the app. Responding to and regulating emotions draws on your child’s social and emotional, sensory and cognitive skills – and probably involves some language development too!
Self-regulation is the ability to recognise and control our responses. Although we often talk about self-regulation in the context of emotions, it might involve controlling thoughts, emotions, attention or actions.
Understanding and sharing feelings – why empathy is hard for your toddler
Before your toddler can understand how other people feel, they need to understand their own emotions – and know that other people have different thoughts, feelings and ideas. So, what exactly do we mean by empathy and how does this develop? Quick spoiler: it's complicated and takes a long time!
Empathy is more than just knowing how someone feels – it is also understanding their emotions from their point of view.
Understanding and nurturing your toddler's self-regulation skills
Your toddler is responding to lots of new experiences every day, and as a result they will go through a range of feelings and emotions. It takes time to understand these feelings and respond to them, and even as they can do this, they will often need support (as we all do at times).
Self-soothing is often used when talking about calming down, maybe when getting ready to rest or sleep, or when sad or angry.
