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You might have heard of the hormone oxytocin, perhaps when hearing about bonding with your baby. Oxytocin is sometimes called the ‘cuddle hormone’ or ‘love hormone’, but interestingly, studies have found that oxytocin levels also increase when we are stressed. It is thought that this might be in order to encourage us to seek out social contact, so if you are feeling stressed it might be time for a hug!  

Scientists are researching fantasy play and the effect it can have on a child’s cognitive and creative abilities. They are investigating if pretend play, and particularly ‘fantastical pretend-play', helps children to develop their executive function skills: those that help us to think and solve problems.  

Typically, children start their imaginative play based on real experiences; as a toddler they might have made a cup of tea or pretended to be a family pet. 

Theory of mind is the understanding that there is a difference between the self and others.^[1] It’s the ability to consider what other people might think and feel in a certain situation, as well as that other people have different beliefs, thoughts and feelings. This develops in early childhood and your toddler will start to understand that other people have different points of view.  

New research has explored how neurons will help our understanding 

Your toddler is learning a lot about themselves, the people around them and the world in which they live. They’re learning about how people behave in different situations; how to get along with other people; how to regulate their emotions and how to make decisions about what they’re going to do.  

Sometimes we might feel we need to manage our toddler’s behaviour through disciplining them using punishment, but for toddlers to learn about behaviour it is much more important to think about teaching, not telling off. 

The development of humour shows us little hints about your baby’s social and cognitive skills. From laughing when they notice something unexpected, to offering a toy and then taking it away, to giggling when anyone says the word “poo” or “knickers”, your baby’s sense of humour changes during their first five years.  

Your baby is now starting to realise they can do something you don’t expect and that you might find it funny. 

Scientists talk about brain 'plasticity', meaning that our brain structures can change throughout our lifetime. There are periods when our brains demonstrate particular fluctuations, and one of the times that this occurs is when we become new parents.

Parents of newborns show a high level of variation in the part of the brain that helps us to process emotions, in particular, increased levels of oxytocin, sometimes known as the bonding or ‘cuddle’ hormone.

Toddlers possess an incredible drive for independence, which can be hard for us as parents – you'll have heard people talk about 'the terrible twos'. But toddlers are terrific in their determination to learn so much every day and keep on developing. Of course, it will involve big emotions along the way! 

Sometimes your toddler might be overwhelmed with emotion about things as simple as which plate they eat from. This is not as irrational as it may seem; there are several reasons why this phase of development can bring about strong emotions.  

You might have heard of co-regulation – where someone helps us to regulate our emotions, often when things feel overwhelming. For an adult it could be a hug or chatting to a friend. When emotions bubble over for your toddler, they need your help to regulate them. You’re already a pro at doing this, but here are more pointers for restoring calm.   

How you can help your toddler when it all gets ‘too much’ 

We're not going to pretend that leaving your baby with someone else is easy – whether it's the first time you are trying it or you're getting used to being separated as part of your routine. But these five crucial tips should go some way to making it more bearable and, in time, positive and affirming for both of you.

1. Have a goodbye routine. Do the same thing each time you leave your baby so they begin to know what will happen. It might be a kiss and a cuddle, then they wave goodbye with whoever is looking after them.  
2. Never sneak away. Your baby might seem happy that time, but they might start to worry that you might leave at any time which might make their separation anxiety worse. 
3. Give them a comfort item. Leave your baby with something that they might find comforting, perhaps some clothing or yours or their favourite toy. 
4. Keep smiling. Easier said than done, we know. Try to be, or appear to be, happy and confident as you leave so they know that they will be ok: they will be more concerned if you seem anxious or upset. Remember that separation anxiety shows that your baby has a good bond with you, which will support them to form good bonds with the other people who look after them.  

We know toddlers can get overwhelmed at times, we all can when you think about it, but your toddler probably finds it more difficult than you do to calm again – and this could be explained by their brain development.  

What are executive functions and why are they important in emotions?