Social psychologist Xuan Zhao, and her colleagues at Stanford University, created and ran some experiments to find out what impact asking someone for help has on the people involved in their research paper, which they called ‘Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped’.[1]
Being a helper really does feel good!
The research found that the person who helps gets a burst of positive emotion, confirming what we all know deep down: that helping out feels good.
This should reassure you that asking for help isn’t always a burden to the other person, and can even be a way to make them feel happy!
That doesn’t mean it’s easy to reach out for help, but viewing it as a positive for both people could make you feel more confident to ask.
Researchers also found that the person asking for help finds it hard to do for many reasons. It might make you feel like you’re admitting defeat, or like you’re not coping as you expected to. It might also feel like too much of an imposition on another person.
In fact, what the study shows is that the person doing the asking almost always underestimates how much people want to help, and overestimates how much of an inconvenience the request will feel.
So next time you’re umming and aahing about asking for some support, remember you’re probably imagining it to be a much bigger deal than it would be for the other person – and you’re not giving enough thought to how good it will make them feel to help you!
Ask for that extra bit of help with a meal, or for your friend to come and watch your toddler for an hour while you take a walk, or simply for someone to take time out of their day for a chat.
Whatever it is you need to feel more like yourself, ask for help knowing that doing so is a good thing for the other person too!
Reference:
[1] Zhao, X. and Epley, N. (2022). ‘Surprisingly Happy to Have Helped: Underestimating Prosociality Creates a Misplaced Barrier to Asking for Help’. Psychological Science, 33(10), 1708–1731.