Stages of play - how your child starts to play with other children

Do you ever wonder if your toddler should have friends? They might seem happy playing on their own or be interested in watching others, but not really play with them.  

There are many theories about play and how children develop their social interactions and friendships. 

Mildred’s Parten’s stages of play  

American sociologist and researcher Mildred Parten described these stages of play in 1932. 

Unoccupied play 

Babies observe the world and move their bodies.  

Solitary play 

Babies and toddlers play alone; they will focus on the activity that they are doing.  

Onlooker play 

Children watch what others are doing, but don’t join in yet; they show that they are interested in others and might talk to them.  

Parallel play 

Children play close to other children, and might use some of the same toys, or they might watch and copy what another child does. However, each child has their own ideas and goals that they are pursuing as they play.  

Associative play 

Children are engaged with each other; they share toys but still might be doing their own thing and following their own ideas.  

Cooperative play 

Children organise their play and agree what they will do; they share a goal and take turns.  

While these are described as stages of play, and the skills needed to play with others develop over time, you might notice that your child moves back and forth between the stages. Once they have the skills for associative play, for example, there may still be times your child simply wants to be an onlooker, and this is nothing to worry about.  

Sometimes they might want to play on their own even if other times they have started to play alongside other children. Again, this is about personal preference in the moment and reflects how we all feel from time to time.