Sharing could make your toddler feel happy – but only if you don’t make them do it!

Most of us experience our toddler either snatching a toy from another child, or having their toy taken – followed by someone being hit, crying, shouting or screaming. What is great to hear if you’re wondering about helping your toddler to share, is that researchers found sharing makes children happier – but there are a few things that need to be in place for that to be the case!^[1] 

Sharing when there are lots of something might be easier at first 

Researchers describe sharing as being either costly or non-costly.  

Costly sharing involves sharing when there is only one of something or sharing something that belongs to you.  

Non-costly sharing involves giving someone something there are lots of, and that isn’t special to you.  

If you want to encourage your toddler to share, having lots of similar things and not asking them to share special belongings can help.  

But, if your toddler seems to be getting the hang of sharing, costly sharing (so sharing their own things or when there aren’t many of the item) seems to increase happiness for toddlers – but not for pre-schoolers.^[1] 

This might be because as your toddler begins to really understand the idea of ownership, they become more reluctant to share the things that belong to them.  

One more finding from research that might be helpful – is that young children were more likely to feel happier after sharing if they had chosen to do this themselves than if they were told to do it.^[2]  

So, rather than telling them to share, why not use some of these ideas to help them? 

• Make sure your toddler sees you (and other people around them) sharing and being kind to them and to others.  
• Agree which special toys they don’t have to share and put these away if you have visitors.  
• Play turn-taking and sharing games with your toddler – this will give them a bit of practice and you can help them if they are disappointed when their turn is over.
• Think about having lots of a similar thing to play with – this can be where things like old cardboard boxes are brilliant. Your toddler and their friend or sibling might still decide they want the same one, but it can make sharing a bit easier for them! 
• Talk to them about taking turns rather than sharing – when you talk about sharing, they might think they are giving up the toy or object forever – taking turns makes it clear they will get it back

References: 

[1] Song, Y., Broekhuizen, M.L., & Dubas, J.S. (2020). Happy little benefactor: Prosocial behaviors promote happiness in young children from two cultures. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, Article 1398.  

[2] Wu, Z., Zhang, Z., Guo, R., and Gros-Louis, J. (2017). Motivation counts: autonomous but not obligated sharing promotes happiness in preschoolers. Frontiers in Psychology. 8, Article 867.