Playing with other children – have you noticed these themes?

Should your toddler be making friends? While their friendships might not look quite like yours, your toddler’s play with others helps them develop their social skills and is an important step on their journey to building future friendships.  

Psychologists Edward Mueller and Jeffrey Brenner studied young children’s social play. In what is described as a classic study, they watched children playing together. They found that even very young children sometimes shared meaning in their play, in that they played using ideas that both children understood, which really is the first step to making friends.  

When your child plays with other children, have you noticed any of the themes Edward Muellar and Jeffrey Brennar observed?  

Themes of children’s play 

Vocal prosocial 

Children chat to each other (although not always using clear words).  

Positive affect as meaning sharer 

When researchers describe ‘affect’ they are talking about emotional responses. ‘Positive affect’ could be a smile or a laugh, so your toddler might laugh with another child. When they stop, they then encourage this again with a smile or another laugh.  

Vocal copy 

This is simply copying the words or sounds the other child makes.  

Motor copy 

Your toddler might copy movements. You may see them watching other children’s movements carefully and then copying them exactly.  

Curtain running  

Curtain running is simply when one child runs through a curtain. The other child notices this and shows it by stopping and watching. 

If you’re not somewhere with a curtain to run through, your toddler may perhaps run through a doorway, or into a specific space.  

The child who ran through first, stops and watches as the other child runs through; this might be accompanied by laughter and smiles!  

Run-chase (or run-follow)  

The children run after each other, laughing and smiling, and perhaps looking back to see the other child. When you watch your toddler with other children doing this, you know they’re definitely playing together!  

Peek-a-boo 

We love peek-a-boo! Your toddler might playing this with other children, maybe bending down behind a chair and popping up to say boo! Both children smile and laugh showing that they are playing together.  

Object exchange 

Your toddler might give a toy or object to another child, or offer a toy to involve another child in their play.  

Object possession struggle 

This might be familiar, especially if your toddler is just getting used to playing with other children. You will often find that the children are all interested in the same object. In this situation, both children are aware the other child wants the object and both struggle to get it or keep it.  

Aggression 

Sometimes your toddler’s interaction with others may involve aggression. The children might hit or kick each other. It might seem strange that this is included but the researchers were interested in ways that young children interacted that showed they were sharing meaning.  

Fighting with another child shows a shared meaning as both children know they are fighting. Although you will want to help your toddler develop the skills to fall out and resolve conflicts in different ways, these disagreements show the development of shared meaning.  

Rough and tumble  

Rough and tumble play includes things such as tickling and gentle pushing. These interactions are clearly playful as both children smile and laugh as they play together.  

Shared reference 

Children look at, point to, or name the same object. They both look at the object at the same time and are each aware of the other child’s interest.  

Reference: 

Brenner, J. & Mueller, E. (1982). Shared meaning in boy toddlers’ peer relations. Child Development, 53(2), 380-391.