No mixed messages – ways to help your child pass on information and feel confident

Children often love to help, and they like to do lots of jobs that adults do. One of these things can be passing on messages to others. It gives them confidence when they are trusted to pass a message from one person to another, although there may be times when they won’t quite remember what they are passing on. Here are some tips to support them develop this skill. 

Use simple, clear language with words they know and understand  

Try to make the message as concise as possible. The longer it is, the harder it is to remember all the details. 

When words are used that they don’t know and understand, there's a good chance the message will get jumbled along the way – especially as your child might misinterpret the meaning of some words or phrases. 

Speak slowly 

If a message is passed in a hurry, or not clearly enough, your child mightn't fully hear what has been said. They probably won’t know they've misunderstood and will continue to pass on the part of the message and meaning they’ve heard.  

Gain their full attention 

If they are interested in something else, they may not take in and remember the words you are saying. Make sure you have their full attention so they’re able to really listen to what has been said.[1]  

Come down to their level 

Communicating at eye-level helps them focus and concentrate on you and the message you wish them to pass on. 

Only ask them to pass on a message when they are calm and alert 

Moods can have a strong influence on how well they listen to and process the message. When they are upset or tired, it is more difficult for them to concentrate and remember things[2] and the message may become muddled. 

Repeat the message 

It does no harm at all to say the message more than once, we all remember more when information is repeated. 

Ask them to repeat it back to you 

Asking them to tell you what the message is will help you both feel more confident that they will repeat the correct message. 

Say thank you! 

Thank your child for passing on a message or relaying one back to you. They will feel appreciated and know that they have helped, and it might motivate them to help again. 

Your child will typically enjoy passing messages because it makes them feel like an adult, but make sure what you're asking of them is appropriate 

Messages are a fun game for your child, and they should never be put in a position that can affect their emotional wellbeing.  

Think about whether the message will evoke an emotional response from the recipient, if so, forward it yourself; your child should never become entangled in adult situations.  

Or, if it is important, avoid putting your child in a situation that might make them feel guilty if they forget to pass it on. 

However, they’ll enjoy passing on messages like, “Uncle Zain would like milk and two sugars in his coffee,” or “Mummy, tea is ready!” 

Reference: 

[1] Attention and Listening (2022) Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust. Available online at Attention & listening - Children’s Integrated Therapies (oxfordhealth.nhs.uk)  

[2] 5 Common Reasons Why Children Struggle to Retain Concepts in School. (2021) Cambridge Home School Online.