My toddler’s biting – what should I do?
Many toddlers bite; it might be a one off, or it might happen several times. Either way, if your toddler bites it can feel awful for you – none of us want our child to be responsible for another child being hurt. So, what might be behind a bite and how can you support your toddler in refraining from doing it?
Biting can be one of those subjects that parents avoid talking with other parents about, but if you tell a friend you were horrified when your toddler bit another child at your favourite parent group – you might well find they’ve been there too!
Biting facts and figures
Research about biting often takes place in group settings. Researchers in one study found 10 per cent of toddlers had bitten,[1] other research found between 35 and 51% per cent of children in a childcare centre had been bitten.[2]
Biting, frustration and stress
When staff were asked about biting incidents, they said these were more likely when children were feeling stressed – perhaps when there had been a change at nursery or home.[3] So, biting might be linked to toddlers finding it difficult to manage their response to what is happening.
We often associate biting with toddlers being frustrated or upset – a bite might happen when someone comes to close to them, or when they want a particular toy. Some toddlers bite their own clothing or arms when they’re frustrated, for some, a bite helps them calm as it provides sensory stimulation.
How to respond if your toddler bites
Keep calm
We know this is really difficult. Be aware of your own reaction to what has happened, take a few breaths, so you can calmly respond to your toddler.
Remember: your toddler didn’t plan to bite, and doesn’t understand the consequences
If your toddler bit someone, it is likely they reacted without really thinking about what would happen next – so this is not a conscious attempt to hurt someone but a reaction to a situation.
Calmly say, ‘no biting’
Keep your reaction short, simple and clear – biting hurts, you can’t bite, maybe even plan a short phrase you will use every time, which could be as simple as, “No biting.”
Show concern for the other child; your toddler won’t be able to see things from the other child’s point of view yet, but by showing concern you are demonstrating empathy to your toddler.
Don’t insist on an apology or suggest your toddler hugs or plays with the other child
You know your toddler is lovely, but the child who they have bitten probably will not want them to hug or kiss them at that point. And your toddler really doesn’t have the understanding of another person’s point of view to give a meaningful apology.
If appropriate, talk to your toddler when they are calm
If your toddler can talk about their experiences, chat with them about what they could do next time, instead of biting.
It might feel hard, but move on – and don’t keep talking about the bite
Help your toddler find something else to do and stop talking about what has happened.
Preventing bites – some things to think about
Think about if bites happen in a particular situation
Your toddler might bite when they feel overwhelmed; if this is the case, think about ways you can reduce stimulation. For example, turn the TV off while they’re playing, or if you notice lots of other children coming to play close to your toddler, suggest they move to get more space.
Help your toddler with phrases to use when they’re frustrated, upset or angry
Using simple phrases might help your toddler learn different ways to express what they need. You could practise when playing together if you notice they are starting to find something hard, “That block just won’t go on, I could help you?” “You’d like a turn with the bike? You can ask, ‘Can I have a turn?”
Think about oral stimulation
Researchers think some children bite because they are seeking sensory stimulation, and providing food with a variety of textures and temperatures, including chewy snacks, can help to meet this need and reduce biting.[3]
Think about routine
Having a balance of time to be active, rest and sleep might help to reduce biting, so think about the rhythm of your toddler’s day.
If you feel your toddler is biting frequently or if you continue to be concerned about their behaviour, speak to your health visitor or another professional who works with your family.
References:
[1] Wien, C.A. (2004). From policing to participation: Overturning the rules and creating amiable classrooms. Beyond the Journal.
[2] Strauman, R.K., Lie, L., & Kempt, B.J. (1993). Creating a safe environment for children in day care. Journal of School Health, 63, 254-57.
[3] Ramming, P., Kyger, C.S., & Thompson, S.D. (2006). A new bit on toddler biting: The influence of food, oral motor development and sensory activities. Young Children (March 2006), 17-23.