Why your toddler might find self-soothing hard and how you can help them

Sensory input can be both stimulating and calming; as adults we often know what kind of input we need and can seek it out. You might go for a walk if you find your energy levels dropping, or find a quiet space to calm down after a busy day. Your toddler is probably developing some awareness of what helps them – but will often need help to identify exactly what they need.  

Your toddler might be starting to become more aware of what sensory experiences they find calming and occasionally be able to find these when needed. 

They will sometimes still need you to notice when calm time might be helpful or need some stimulating sensory input before a time when they need to calm down. For example, some active physical play at the beginning of their bedtime routine might help them to settle as the rest of the routine becomes more calming.  

Everyone is different and you will find what helps your toddler to settle, but these are some things you could try... 

Gentle touch – gently stroking the side of their face, or stroking their arm.  

Firmer touch – your child might prefer quite firm touch, more like the pressure used during a massage, or they might like a hug.  

Movement – they may calm by gently rocking themselves or when they are held and rocked. Fast forwards and backwards movements tend to be stimulating and gentle rocking side to side tend to be calming.  

Being active – your toddler might need to move more before they can calm, so may run, kick or jump. Give them space and time to do this where possible, then if they can’t think about ways to calm themselves you could offer a suggestion.  

Sound – they might relax when you sing or when you read or tell a story (reading is likely to also bring opportunities for closeness and touch, which can be calming.) 

Sound – background noise, or a slow and steady hum could provide a sense of peace.