Laying the foundations for positive wellbeing and good mental health

The Children’s Society publish The Good Childhood report each year. In the 2022 report, they found that children’s happiness with ‘life as a whole’ was significantly lower than 10 years earlier.^[1] We know that early experiences lay the foundations for future wellbeing and positive mental health – so what can you do to support your toddler now (and in the future)?

We know lots about how important early experiences are for future learning – but sometimes the connections between both physical and mental health and our early experiences can seem to be forgotten.

The systems in our brains and bodies are closely connected – our brains and bodies adapt to experiences.^[2]

These adaptations can be positive, a little bit of stress can help us to be alert and adapt to what’s happening around us. So, your toddler having to wait a few moments for something, or feeling frustrated or upset when something doesn’t go their way is ok, and some people would argue these are in fact important experiences for your toddler.

If your toddler experiences ongoing stress, for example, being unsure about how those caring for them will respond, this can have a long-term impact. This doesn’t mean that you need to protect them from all difficult things that happen, but reinforces the importance of your relationship with them being strong and loving, and (usually) providing a consistent routine.

A predictable routine helps your toddler feel safe and the close relationships they have with you (and others who care for them) supports them when they experience difficult situations.

You and others who care for your toddler have an important role in helping them regain calm when they feel upset, angry, scared or frustrated.

Your toddler’s brain is still developing, and they can’t calm without some help. So, if they feel stress – perhaps when they’ve hit their baby sibling in frustration – they might then realise it was wrong and become upset, or they don’t realise it was wrong and wonder why you’re unhappy with them. They need you to let them know that hitting isn’t ok, but also that they’re safe and you still love them.

Your toddler’s need to feel safe is one reason why we don’t support approaches to discipline that involve frightening, threatening, isolating or hurting children.

The good news is that these simple things will support positive mental health

Play, read, chat and have fun together

Your relationship with your toddler helps them feel safe and secure. Sometimes, when life is busy, it can feel hard to simply enjoy being together – but this doesn’t have to be complicated it can be a shared story at the end of the day, a dance in the kitchen, a chat while making a meal or a quick walk after work – whatever you and your toddler enjoy.

Provide clear and consistent boundaries

We know being consistent can be hard – but your toddler will feel safe when they know what is likely to happen – and when what they expect is usually what happens. When you need to enforce a boundary, do this calmly so your toddler doesn’t feel their relationship with you is damaged.

And remember it’s ok for your toddler to feel disappointed, sad or angry when they can’t do something they’d like to.

If you’ve had a really hard day and aren’t as calm as you ideally want to be – spend some time together when everything has settled down again.

Take care of yourself

There will be times when you feel stressed yourself (that is part of life for everyone), so think about the support you need.

This could be making sure you have time by yourself, and time with friends; it could be making sure you have time to rest, eat and exercise.

When you make time for your wellbeing, you are showing your toddler that this is important and teaching them how to take care of their own mental health.

References:

[1] The Children’s Society (2022). The Good Childhood Report 2022. Available from: https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/sites/default/files/2022-09/GCR-2022-infographics.pdf

[2] Center on the Developing Child (undated). 5 Facts About Health That Are Often Misunderstood. Available from: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/5-facts-about-health-that-are-often-misunderstood/

https://www.unicef.org/parenting/mental-health/build-foundation-0-5-years