Is your child asking difficult questions? How to deal with answering them

Your child may sometimes catch you by surprise when asking a question that’s tough to answer. They may also throw a question at you about someone who is close by, and it could feel embarrassing. But, as they gain an awareness of their world, all they want to do is find out something they don’t yet know. They mean no harm or embarrassment; they simply need to access an answer to a thought that has popped into their heads.  

Here's some ideas for when you find yourself wondering, ‘How am I going to answer this?’ 

Take your time. There’s no need to rush. If the question is difficult and you aren’t sure how to answer, perhaps buy yourself some time by saying something like, “Wow, that’s a great question,” “What made you think about that?” or “I love how you thought about this.” This might give you space to collect your thoughts and choose your words carefully.  

Be honest. If you don’t know, that’s fine. You are not a walking encyclopaedia, so... 

If you can, go and find out together. It can be good fun finding out the answers to questions. There are many ways to find out information; books at home, in the library, online, or someone you know might just be the person you need. You could send them a message, pop by, or meet for a chat. Your child won’t think any less of you if you don’t know the answer.  

Give bite-sized facts. Sometimes their questions might be complicated, but don’t worry, your child won’t be looking for a long-drawn-out explanation. Responding with simple answers can often satisfy them, however, they may ask another question later, once they’ve processed the information. 

Ask what they think the answer might be. It's useful to know how much information they already have. When you are aware of their knowledge, you may be able to provide a more straightforward answer. 

Share their questions with familiar people. If they are asking questions about a sensitive subject or something difficult has happened, let the people they spend time with know. Share your responses with them so that everyone has the same information. There is a chance that someone will offer you a different perspective on how to answer the question, and this could be the key to providing comfort for your child. 

Don’t feel embarrassed. You might find that you are in a supermarket, or at the park when your child asks something about someone close by. You know that person has heard, and you wish the ground would swallow you up. Think: your child is being curious, and they want to ask about another person. In these situations, get down to your child’s level and explain that we are all different. Remember, keep it simple. It is important that the question is addressed and not ignored. The person who the question has been asked about may come over and help with the answer. 

Give lots of reassurance. Sometimes being in sensitive situations can make your child feel uncertain. Consider their feelings and let them know they are safe to ask anything. All they need is to feel secure and loved.