Encouraging speech and avoiding frustration – finding the right balance for your toddler

Toddlers can find it difficult to regulate their emotions and become frustrated when what they want to do doesn't quite match what they are able to. So, how can you balance encouraging independence while avoiding frustration? For many toddlers, talking is a big help.

One way to encourage your toddler to talk is by making sure they have a reason! That could simply be that you have a good time together when you play, look at books or chat about what is happening.  

For some toddlers the reason to speak could be that they need help  

They might be motivated to talk when they want a drink but can’t reach their cup, or when they need you to help them reach a favourite toy.  

Making things a little bit harder may help 

A simple way to encourage your toddler to talk is to make things a little bit harder for them – so they need to ask you for help or let you know what they’d like.  

You could offer a choice of two cups or toys so your toddler needs to tell you which they would like. Or sometimes put something in sight but out of reach so they need to ask you to help them.  

Pause before responding to cues (when you're happy to do this) 

You probably know what your toddler wants before they use a gesture or word to tell you.  

Sometimes, waiting for them to communicate what they want directly with a gesture, sound or word can help them see the value of talking.  

Finding the balance – a few things to think about 

You won’t be surprised that finding the balance comes down to you thinking about what works for you and your toddler.  

All of us are different. Some people become frustrated more quickly; if this is your toddler, you might make most things available to them without them needing help.  

You might have decided to have an approach where you really focus on your toddler’s autonomy. So, in your home, you have everything your toddler uses where they can reach it themselves.  

The reason to communicate then might be linked to the things your toddler can’t do themselves just yet, or having time without distractions to chat, play or read a story together. 

Keep thinking about reasons for talking and you’ll find the balance that works for you and your toddler.