Emotions are “the glue of relationships” – social psychologist Batja Mesquita’s view

Emotions are often described as universal – suggesting we all have the same emotions. Social psychologist Batja Mesquita studies emotions, and disagrees. She argues that we don’t all experience emotions in the same way and cultural expectations might explain why. 

Your toddler is learning about emotions now, as they notice how people respond to other people and events.   

Emotions form outside in, not just inside out 

Mesquita suggests that people learn about emotions from those around them, as well as from their own feelings.  

She argues that emotions are not only an expression of internal feelings but are also formed within a particular relationship and situation. 

Our emotions and how we express them help us to build relationships. This happens as we develop a shared understanding of what’s important and how we respond with those around us.  

What does all this mean for me and my toddler? 

For you, this understanding of emotions might help you to think about how your respond to your toddler.  

If you have friends or family members who have different cultural understandings of how feelings are expressed, this might help you to understand the way others respond.  

Your family may be extremely tactile and love a hug, or you might be from a family who like nothing more than a good debate about something on the telly; perhaps your family express their feelings and thoughts in a quieter, more subdued way. Whatever your toddler experiences around them when it comes to expressing emotions will likely shape how they respond to other people. 

Your toddler is learning about how to feel and react from seeing the responses of the people around them.  

When you respond to your toddler’s expression of their emotions you show them how you recognise their experience.  

And when you share how you’re feeling and respond to the emotions of others, you teach your toddler about how emotions are understood in your family and friendship groups.  

References: 

Mesquita, B. (2022). Americans are fake and the Dutch are rude! Behavioral Scientist. Available at https://behavioralscientist.org/americans-are-fake-and-the-dutch-are-rude/?mc_cid=ce43f90f4e 

(2022) Hidden Brain. Decoding emotions. 12th September 2022 (Podcast)