"‘Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down."

‘Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.’  

This quote often pops up on Pinterest and in articles about training police officers, but applies really well to toddlers and young children too!  

Think about what helps you when you feel upset, angry or disappointed – it probably isn’t someone telling you that you’re ok, over-reacting or just need to calm down. So, it is interesting that sometimes people around us expect that to work with our toddlers, with comments like, “That’s just temper,” “You need to stop them,” or “They’re fine,” when they clearly aren’t!  

So how can you help your toddler? 

While you absolutely do want your toddler to calm down, asking or telling them to do it might not be the quickest or most effective way to help them.  

Sometimes all they need is your calm presence, acknowledgement of how they are feeling and perhaps a little bit of time.  

So, when your toddler is upset, frustrated, disappointed or angry – take a deep breath and be aware of how you’re feeling too – it is hard to stay calm when your toddler is upset or angry.  

Then simply stay close, reassure your toddler that they are safe and you’re there – use your judgement and knowledge of your toddler to decide when to talk about how they’re feeling – some toddlers simply need quiet as they calm. 

If you think it helps your toddler, comment, “I know you’re angry/sad/frustrated, I’m here you’re safe.”  

When your toddler is calm, spend some time together so they are reassured that your relationship is not damaged. As they get older and their understanding increases, you might use these moments of calm to talk about what happened, and what you could both do in the future.