Does rough and tumble play make you panic?

Have you noticed your child enjoying some rough and tumble, physical play recently? For lots of us it’s worrying as we worry our child will get hurt, or hurt someone else. From tickling games to superhero role play, and all kinds of games involving racing around and crashing into each other, children are often drawn to this type of play. But why? And should you be worried or stop it just in case it causes tears?  

Rough and tumble is a way for children to playfully explore their bodies, boundaries and abilities. 

It is important to notice the difference between this type of play and a true fight, in fact rough and tumble play is a very trusting way to play.^[1] It is characterised by enjoyment – children communicate by looking at each other, smiling or giggling, or sharing ideas, and has many benefits for your child. 

As they become more aware of their own body, and where it ends (developing their proprioceptive sense), your child might lean into this physical way of playing.  

They will be learning how they, and others, react to different actions and testing how much force they can use to achieve their goals.  

This can look like absolute chaos, especially if they play with other children who are also learning about their bodies and boundaries! But don’t panic, it is an important part of their learning and development.  

As well as developing physical skills, it’s a fantastic way for them to develop their senses, learn about social interaction and develop both self-regulation skills and empathy for others.  

Rough and tumble play, such as chasing, gives them a chance to test and refine these skills in a social situation. 

Often, rough and tumble play is reciprocal, and children actively engage and participate in it with their friends. It helps them to explore social expectations and norms and when enough is enough.  

Children can switch roles and change their thoughts to support the flow of play. They have the chance to hear other children's opinions and change what they do to keep the game going. 

Playing in this way gives them an opportunity to evaluate risk and make decisions about their safety, and will help them develop skills they need for the future.^[1]  

You can prepare your child for rough play by talking to them about how to tell their friends if they don’t like something. You can suggest they use a simple, consistent sentence like: “Stop. I don’t like it anymore.” If they are confident to do so, they can explain what they need to change: “That is too hard. We need to tickle gently.” 

So next time you see a game getting a little rougher than you would usually like, take a moment to watch what’s really happening. If all the participants are having fun, and communicating their needs, then let them play and remember all the incredible learning that can bring!  

References: 

[1] Connel, G. and McCarthy, C. (2014) A Moving Child is a Learning Child: How the body teaches the brain to think. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.