Do you remember? Simple ways to support your child’s cognitive development
Your child’s memory and concentration skills develop in conjunction with the experiences they have, the people they know and the places they go to. This is because for everything we experience, our brain combines information from our senses with our body’s reactions and our lived experience to create meaning[1]. As cognitive skills develop, and children encounter more things, their brain can recall these moments as memories to help it make sense of what is happening and know how to react to new situations.
This is not always a reliable, or linear, process. You may find yourself surprised at times when your child recounts events from long ago which you thought they had forgotten about, or they bring up something in a context you'd never have expected.
There are lots of ways you can support and encourage your child’s developing memory:
Talking about photographs can prompt memories of people and times spent together. When you look at photos with your child, talk about who was there and what happened, but also how it felt, or what you could hear or smell. These senses are all interwoven and often play a powerful role in memory.
Wonder about people you don’t see every day. Talk about these important people, perhaps encourage your child to remember what they did the last time they saw a significant person, or wonder what that person might be doing now. This helps your child’s understanding that their world is composed of people and places they can’t see, as well as the ones they are experiencing at the moment.
Discuss things that happen, and encourage your child to be part of the conversation. Research consistently shows that talking about shared experiences with your child will support their ability to recall and reflect on their lives.[2, 3] Take opportunities to talk about what is happening in the moment, then revisit those comments later when remembering the day.
Try to ask questions and make comments that engage your child’s particular interests. This can inspire them to think about what they have done or seen, perhaps focusing in on aspects of the event they were especially interested in – you might say “Your friend Roni came to the pool too. I can’t remember what picture was on his towel...”
Use words and phrases that describe remembering – and forgetting! It seems impossible to do, as memories are one of those things we don’t often have to think about – they simply happen for us – but trying to put words to the actual process of remembering (sometimes called metamemory remarks)[2] can help give your child a framework for what is happening for them. You might explain, “I’m going to think about it for a moment” or “I think it was yellow, but I am struggling to remember... yes it was, I remember the yellow flower now!”
Don’t be afraid to tell your child when you can’t recall things perfectly, either. This is another way to explain the process of thinking. Perhaps ask them to help you and say things like: “Were you wearing your red shoes? I can’t remember...” and let them know when their memories are supporting yours, for example, saying, “That’s right, I forgot Granny came too,” while chatting about their recollections.
References:
[1] Feldman Barrett, L. (2021) Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain. Picador: London.
[2] Langley, H. A., Coffman, J. L., & Ornstein, P. A. (2017). ‘The Socialization of Children's Memory: Linking Maternal Conversational Style to the Development of Children's Autobiographical and Deliberate Memory Skills’. Journal of cognition and development : official journal of the Cognitive Development Society, 18(1), 63–86.
[3] Boland, Amy & Haden, Catherine & Ornstein, Peter. (2003). ‘Boosting Children's Memory by Training Mothers in the Use of an Elaborative Conversational Style as an Event Unfolds’. Journal of Cognition and Development - J COGN DEV. 4. 39-65.