Has your child started to seem a bit less confident? Read our tips for supporting them to develop a positive view of themselves

Who am I? Seems like a simple question at first but as you start to think about it, it’s really quite complicated. Psychologists have different theories about how we understand who we are, and the things that impact how children develop this understanding. All of this is described by psychologists as self-concept, and it is now your child is beginning to use what other people think of them as part of how they understand themselves.   

Your child will often focus on describing what they can do – which can be a good reminder to us all to be confident. If you’ve ever seen the ‘Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a child wearing a superhero cape’ meme, you’ll know it is likely to sum up your child’s approach! 

As their cognitive skills develop, they are starting to become more aware of the way other people think about them – this might begin to influence how they view themselves.  

As your child begins to think more about the way that other people view them, they might sometimes feel a bit less confident.   

But don’t worry, thinking about how others view them can be positive as it is part of learning that people behave in different ways according to where they are, and who they’re with. 

We have a few tips for you if you’ve noticed this change:  

• Give them time to watch before joining a new group of people or when they’re somewhere new.  
• Think about how you speak to your child or about them to other people. They will notice comments about their characteristics, and these might begin to form part of their self-concept. Avoid labels such as, ‘clumsy’, ‘lazy’, ‘naughty’, or ‘good’.  Instead, comment on what has happened or how they felt.   
• Spend time together and respond to your child’s interests and requests for attention.  

Your responses have supported the development of their sense of self since they were born and remain an important part of this development into adulthood. 

Reference: 

[1] Lewis, M. (2019).  The self-conscious emotions and the role of shame in psychopathology. In LoBue, W. Perez-Edgar, K. & Buss, K.A. (Eds) Handbook of Emotional Development, 311-350. Springer.