Growing up together – how your toddler makes friends

We might hope that our child will quickly develop friendships but playing with others can be a bit tricky when you’re a toddler. Toddlers often show that they’re developing empathy but still lack self-regulation skills, which means your child might find it hard to stop themselves hitting out if they are upset, frustrated or angry.^[1] 

Your toddler’s early friendships are likely to be based around shared interests and play ideas.^[2] They might make a friend who enjoys running around as much as they do, or always want to play with the toy animals. 

Shared interests can be great for building a friendship but might also lead to some disagreements.  

Toddlers are still developing the skills they need to take turns, and this will show in a variety of ways. Your child might take all the crayons when drawing alongside others, try to forcibly take a desired toy from another child or simply move away from a friend if they want a toy for themselves.  

Playing with older children can support your child’s developing understanding of sharing and turn-taking, as can showing your child how to take turns by getting them to pass food or toys to other family members. 

Falling out with a friend might also help your child to think about how to repair a relationship. 

Sometimes (if no one is being hurt) giving them a little time before you step in to try to settle a disagreement can allow your child and their friend to sort things out themselves.  

Although your child might not fully understand ownership yet, which can make taking turns difficult, they will begin to show empathy towards others. Empathy involves your child recognising an emotion in someone else that they have felt before, which needs them to have experience and understanding of their feelings.  

This learning is linked to your child’s own experiences of being nurtured and their growing awareness of how their own feelings and emotions are linked to experiences. Simply by helping them think about their own emotions, and letting them see you interacting with your friends, you will be supporting your child to be a brilliant friend in the future. 

References: 

[1] Addyman, C. (2020) The laughing baby: The extraordinary science behind what makes babies happy. Unbound, London. 

[2] Teszenyi, E. (2018) Friendships in children’s communities. In G.Sykes & E.Teszenyi. Young children and their communities (Eds.). 29- 41. Routledge, Oxon.