Understanding and nurturing your toddler's self-regulation skills

Your toddler is responding to lots of new experiences every day, and as a result they will go through a range of feelings and emotions. It takes time to understand these feelings and respond to them, and even as they can do this, they will often need support (as we all do at times).   

Self-soothing is often used when talking about calming down, maybe when getting ready to rest or sleep, or when sad or angry.  

Self-regulation refers to keeping our energy levels right for the task we’re doing – so if you are about to do an exam or job interview you might want to be more alert than if you are preparing for an evening watching a favourite programme.  

An important part of life is to feel in control of managing our own thoughts, emotional responses and consequent behaviour. As adults, we have all developed our own strategies to manage those big and sometimes overwhelming feelings such as fear, excitement, anxiety and anger.   

Although, even adults need some help to regulate their emotions sometimes – anyone who has met a friend for a coffee or walk after a really hard day knows that, so we aren’t expecting your toddler not to need your help.  

What they are beginning to develop is a greater awareness of what helps them, this might involve cuddling a favourite toy, lying on their bed alone for a time or maybe stamping, running or moving.  

Your toddler will learn how to calm within warm and responsive relationships with the support of others who share and demonstrate their own self-regulation skills. This is known as co-regulation. 

You can guide your toddler to find ways to help them when they feel upset or tired by offering them support, but also sharing what you do yourself. 

You might tell them you are going to sit for 10 minutes with a cup of tea because you’re tired after a busy day, or that you are going to chat to a friend because you feel a bit sad and you know that will help.  

Sometimes, we might feel we should hide our emotions from our children, but by sharing how we feel and showing how we care for ourselves or are helped by others, we are supporting them to develop a healthy relationship with their emotions.  

Reference: 

[1] Conkybayir, M. (2021) Early childhood and neuroscience: Theory, research and implications for practice. Second Edition. London; New York Bloomsbury Academic.