Self-regulation is the ability to recognise and control our responses. Although we often talk about self-regulation in the context of emotions, it might involve controlling thoughts, emotions, attention or actions.
Self-regulation really comes down to controlling your response to what is happening around you. It isn’t only about calming when sad or angry – but also having high energy when playing with friends or doing something exciting.
Psychologists Martha Ann Bell, Christy Wolfe, Anjolii Diaz and Ran Liu suggest that cognitive and emotional self-regulation should be viewed as integrated rather than separate.
They suggest children’s developing executive functions (their abilities to control their attention, inhibit their responses and think about what they’re doing) support the understanding of emotions. And that, in turn, experiencing and recognising emotions supports the development of executive functions.
As your child is more able to control their attention, they might be able to focus on how they are feeling, which will then help them to recognise their emotions.
When you support them to recognise and think about their emotions you will support this amazing development to continue.
What this looks and sounds like will be unique to you and your child. It may be that you point out how you feel, and how you think they might feel, describing how you know – “You've got a big smile today, I think you’re feeling happy.”
Reference:
Bell, M.A., Wolfe, C.D. Diaz, A. & Liu, R. (2019) Cognition and emotion in development. In LoBue, V. Perez-Edgar, K. & Buss, K.A. (Eds). Handbook of Emotional Development. Springer