Becoming more confident – find out about the phases of attachment

You might have heard about attachment, maybe in our articles or on social media. Attachment theory was first outlined in the 1960s by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby. Some ideas about attachment have developed since then as more research has been done, but Bowlby’s four phases of attachment are still helpful when you think about how your toddler is developing.  

Indiscriminate social responsiveness 

Bowlby argued that very, very young babies respond in a similar way to all the people around them. In his view, they don’t respond differently to their main carer than they do to anyone else.  

Attachment to familiar people 

As they get older, Bowlby suggested babies show a preference for one or two people and respond more to those who care for them regularly.  

This means your baby is more likely to smile at you than other people, and more likely to stop crying when you (or someone else who looks after them frequently) comforts them.  

Intense attachments 

At this point, your baby wants to stay close to the people who look after them regularly – sometimes called their preferred caregivers or attachment figures.  

When they can move, they follow you when you walk away, or might go away from you to play then move back to be close to you.  

At this point, your baby might be upset when you leave them and become cautious with people they don’t know or don’t see very often.  

Goal-corrected attachment 

Your toddler might now be getting towards this phase of attachment. This is where they are beginning to have some understanding of your needs and adjust what they do for you.  

They might show this by being calm when you need to leave the room, and not always following you.  

This attachment theory helps to show how babies become independent by being dependent 

The phases of attachment are interesting and as you read them you might see how your toddler has moved from one phase to another.  

It’s helpful to remember that in new situations, or when they are tired or ill, your toddler will want to be close to the people who they’re most attached to.  

If you go to a new group or visit family you don’t see very often, your toddler might want to stay close to you and watch for a while before joining in.  

It can feel that the best way to help them is to tell them to venture away from you, but this isn’t always the case. 

Letting them stay close is likely to give them the confidence to get involved more quickly than saying they can’t stay with you.  

Reference: 

Cowie, H. (2012). From Birth to Sixteen. Children’s health, social, emotional and linguistic development. Routledge.