Settling and calming: how your baby will learn self-regulation

Your baby will have been gently rocked in the womb and have listened to the voices and sounds around them. You might now be recognising what helps your baby to settle; they will need you to support them to regulate for some time and you'll probably find that different things help to soothe them at different times.  

Settling and self-regulation 

When we say being 'settled', this could mean settling and going to sleep, but also be being settled and calm when awake and alert. Self-regulation is the ability to control our emotions, behaviour and thoughts and so being regulated could be thought of as being settled or calm.  

Self-regulation is a skill that can be difficult for us all to manage at times of stress or high emotions, and there are times when we all need others to support our regulation – this is known as co-regulation. When we describe your baby as settling this could be described as being regulated; your baby will learn to self-regulate through watching how other people do this and through being helped to regulate by others.  

Self-regulation and the brain 

The ability to self-regulate is linked to brain development, and your baby’s ability to think about a situation, their feelings and how they might respond.^[1] Your baby won't have the social or cognitive understanding to think through situations for a little while and is dependent on you noticing how they are feeling and helping them to settle.   

Self-regulation is an important part of emotional and cognitive development and is closely linked to sensory development, as your baby learns about how sensory input can be stimulating or soothing.  

The senses and regulation: movement, sound and light

Our senses can provide stimulation and make us feel more alert or excited and can also help us to feel calm and relaxed. Your baby will gradually learn about what stimulates them and what helps them to calm or settle. The things that help us to settle are often linked to our senses so you might find that rocking side to side is calming for your baby, but rocking forwards and backwards might be stimulating.^[2] 

Sound might be soothing, your baby might relax when they hear familiar music or when there is some background noise, this could be a white noise playlist or could be finding it easier to sleep when there is some background noise.  

Your baby might be comforted by being wrapped, as being wrapped gives proprioceptive input, so helps them to feel where their body is and develop their awareness of their body. They might relax as they watch the movement of light, or when looking at dappled light through the trees or a curtain.  

In time, your baby will also find ways to comfort themselves

Your baby will be dependent on you to notice what stimulates them and what settles, or calms them for some time. You might see that they find it more difficult to settle when stimulated and need your help to calm after exciting or new experiences.  

When your baby is able to move, they might be able to access the things that they find comforting themselves, they might gently rock themselves to help them to calm, they might suck their thumb or hands, they might have a favourite toy that they hold or stroke.  

It will take some time for them to be able to self-regulate, but as their understanding develops you will be able to talk to them about how they are feeling and what they could do to help themselves.   

References: 

[1] Conkbayir, M. (2017) Early Childhood and Neuroscience. Theory, Research and Implications for Practice. London: Bloomsbury.  

[2] Goddard-Blythe, S. (2004). The Well Balanced Child: Movement and Early Learning. Stroud: Hawthorn Press.