May show displeasure or try to resume interaction when play or other interaction ends

Over the past few months your baby has experienced many styles of interactions with you and other familiar people.  They are active participants in these interactions and relationships, as their brains make meaning from what you and other familiar people do. [1] 

Emotional Literacy 

Your baby has developed more understanding of the response that might be expected from the people close by. This developing range of ‘emotional literacy’ is allowing them to co-ordinate more with others, participating in their states of mind and thereby predicting what they will say and do.  This process of constant mutual influence is crisscrossing from one person to the other all the time.  

Babies gradually begin to categorise their experiences with other people by noticing unconsciously what the common features are, what happens over and over again. It is the repeated and typical experiences that structure the brain. For example, if Grandma knocks on the door each evening and then scoops the baby up into their arms and kisses them in the nose, your baby will start to form an expectation that this is what Grandma’s do! 

These pathways and internal images begin to form a guide to interaction which we draw on when some feature of the current moment triggers them. They begin to underpin our behaviour and expectations of others without realising it. We prefer our expectations to be confirmed. [2]  

Researchers on child development indicate that extremes of anything is usually not good, and this certainly applies to interactions. It would not be helpful for a young baby or child to be ignored all the time, but equally it is not helpful for a young baby to be interacted with all the time. Children need some time to process what is going on by themselves, it's an issue of balance [3] 

Managing stress and separation 

Babies are born with the expectation of having their stress managed for them. Your baby will tend to have low levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the early months of life as caring adults maintain their equilibrium, through touch, stroking and feeding and rocking. But their immature systems are also very unstable and reactive, they can be plunged into high cortisol levels if they perceive that your attention is removed or diverted, however briefly.  This might be at the point when your play or a close interaction with them ends. Your baby may show their displeasure or become distressed. 

We know that babies can’t manage their own cortisol. Gradually, they get used to situations that they find distressing, as they gain confidence that you will support them, regulate them and return to them. Over time this cortisol is less easily triggered and the highs and lows will level. 

Confronting the unexpected 

Caspar Addyman explores this idea in his book, ‘The laughing baby’; 

“We will never be able to expect the unexpected, but we can and must reduce its scope and impact. Babies are surprised every day and must continually confront uncertainty and explore the unknown.  This is exhilarating and exhausting. It is not enough to add knowledge about the world, they must change their expectations and experience a new existential crisis every day. A parent, a teddy or a security blanket is a reassuring element of continuity and predictability.” 

It is comforting to know that uncertainty is a natural part of life and learning and so cannot be completely mitigated.  There is agreement amongst researchers that some distress from time to time is inevitable in day-to-day life, and response will vary between individuals but is part of learning about regulating emotions. [4] 

What next? 

Your baby’s intense engagement with faces means negative looks and interactions are also remembered and stored, a negative look can trigger a biochemical response, just as a positive face does. As your baby grows the balance of positive interactions may shift, particularly during toddlerhood as your child begins to explore their world. A disapproving look may be necessary and vital to the growing child to help them develop an inhibitory system to enable the child to stop doing something and to learn what behaviours are unacceptable or dangerous. 

References 

[1] Zeedyk, S (2012) Babies come into the world already connected to other people.  The Science of Human Connection (Online) Available at: www.suzannezeedyk.com  

[2] Gerhardt, S (2004) Why love matters; how affection shapes a baby’s brain. Routledge.  

[3[ Centre on the Developing Child; Harvard University. Key Concepts, Serve and Return.  

Available online:   https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/ 

[4] Addyman, C. (20200 The Laughing Baby: The extraordinary science behind what makes babies happy. Unbound