Just like in tennis, when we talk about serve and return interactions in child development we are talking about two people passing something back and forth – and paying attention to make sure it keeps moving for as long as possible.
This often looks like a conversation, but it can also be sharing information or thoughts through looks, facial expressions, gestures or sounds – especially when interacting with babies or young children.
Laying the foundations of this kind of communication can happen from the very first day of your baby’s life, and these serve and return interactions will remain important as your child grows.
In these interactions the baby or child offers a ‘serve’. (For a baby, this could be as simple as looking at you or at an object, making a sound or moving their arms and legs. A toddler or child might use more words or show a need for interaction through physical actions or behaviours).
Adults who are sensitive to these ‘serves’, will notice and respond to them in a positive ‘return’ interaction. This could be by babbling back, talking about their interests or simply making eye contact with a smile.
By responding to your baby’s ‘serves’ you're helping to build your child’s language skills and your relationship as they begin to feel heard, valued and loved.
Why are serve and return interactions so important?
This kind of communication helps babies and children to learn more about patterns of conversations, the sound of language, and the meaning of words, as well as understand more about gestures and body language.[1]
Not only is it brilliant for language development, but it also helps them to develop more complex social skills, emotional regulation and executive function (a cognitive process that controls behaviour, reasoning and problem-solving).
Various studies have used neuroimaging to look at the activity in babies’ brains during interaction, finding that serve and return interactions result in greater connectivity between areas of the brain.[2]
So, when you respond to your baby’s cry or their excited wriggling, when you react to your toddler’s nonsense chatter or make eye contact and share a smile with your child know that you are helping them to build connections in their brain which will support them throughout their life.
Think of serve and return interactions as being one part of the wider world of support and encouragement you give your child – and we know it’s not always easy to do.
Like in a game of tennis (sort of) it’s not only about the serve and return happening in the moment, and it won’t be possible to return an interaction in exactly the way you’d like to every time.
The wider context in which you’re playing, or living, makes returning serves harder at some times than others.
It might be that the chaos of the moment, or stress you’re dealing with in other areas of life, means that your serve and return interactions are short or happen only occasionally throughout the day... that’s still brilliant!
Sometimes, life means that it is the wrong moment for a long conversation or meaningful moment of looking into each other's eyes.
At other times, it might be your baby or child showing signs that they’ve had enough. If they indicate that they want to stop, perhaps by looking away or becoming distracted, don’t feel you need to keep the interaction going.
You will still be supporting their development and building on their experience of interacting with others, no matter how short the series of serve and return interactions are.
Don’t let yourself feel frustrated or guilty for not being able to embrace a lengthy serve and return communication when it’s not realistic for either of you. Make a mental note to find space for a longer, relaxed, moment another time and simply respond quickly to let your child know you heard them.
So, no matter how you feel about tennis... try to notice and enhance your serve and return interactions this summer. Make the most of all the moments you can to keep those conversations flowing, and don’t overthink those moments when you can’t.
References:
[1] National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2004). Young Children Develop in an Environment of Relationships: Working Paper No. 1. Retrieved July 2023 from: www.developingchild.harvard.edu.
[2] Low, f. (2022) ‘Bonding: A Brilliant Brain Builder; The importance of supporting parents to bond with their child from the earliest years’. Knowledge Hub For Maternal & Child Health Evidence Briefs 2021–2022. pp.33-46 Retrieved July 2023 from: www.informedfutures.org