Risk, fear and freedom – a balancing act
Is it a parenting rite of passage to feel your heart sink into the soles of your feet while you watch your child, the child you’ve loved and nurtured for years, scale the biggest (and most rickety-looking) climbing frame in the park?
As parents, we can fight all we want to protect our children from danger, but they are 'hardwired’ to take risks. From the moment your child is born, they will demonstrate a growing drive to explore the ways that their bodies can move and explore.
Their first moments of exploration such as rolling and inching forward can fill us with pure joy, but then it quickly moves into crawling, walking and running. Before you know it, they’re trying to creep up stairs, flipping over the back of the settee and running in completely the opposite direction to you, usually at lightning speed, and towards a road that you used to considered quiet, but now may as well be the M1.
The innate drive to take risks propels them to understand more about themselves and the world around them, and to explore new skills, but we know this presents a dilemma for parents. As well as fostering these qualities of curiosity, self-reliance, and confidence, you are also, of course, emotionally invested in keeping your child safe from harm!
What is risky play?
Risky play is play that is thrilling and exciting. It’s challenging, it tests limits, and it helps children to establish boundaries.
It’s not only related to physical risk, but it could also be emotional risk – those activities that go outside the usual comfort zone by, for example, doing something alone for the first time or exploring a new unfamiliar place, or it might involve using new equipment or potentially dangerous tools.
It also encompasses risky physical play, where there is a possibility of potential injury, and play that tests the boundaries of physical skill such as climbing high, balancing, or jumping.
What are the benefits of risky play?
Many children lean towards risky play because it is enjoyable, and they have not yet developed the complex feeling of fear! Playing in this way creates feelings of fun, joy, excitement, thrill and reward, and this makes them want to keep exploring risky situations to explore those pleasant feelings again.
Studies have also shown that encountering risk in play helps children to develop the skills to make their own judgements about situations. If they’re not exposed to risk in their lives, they have no chance to learn how to assess it and manage the different situations they may encounter.
Engaging in risky play also offers children the opportunity to develop self-reliance and confidence as they push their capabilities, and this helps them to cope with uncertainty and new situations.
When should you encourage risk?
Assessing risk starts at an early age. Babies are natural explorers; a baby will start to rock, roll, crawl and take risks. Then they will start to pull themselves up on furniture and explore their physical capabilities that way.
As children grow, they will continue to take risks through using their bodies, objects and tools to test their potential. By giving your child permission to explore risk in your care, you are demonstrating you have respect for their judgement and ability, which will boost their confidence.
Your child will have the opportunity to learn more about themselves and their limits through risky play. With your support and without too much interference, they will learn what safety looks like, how to stay safe in risky circumstances and also how to assess risk within their capabilities.
Finding the right balance
There’s no denying that for you as a parent, getting the balance right between freedom and safety is hard. The problem is that making things too safe can stop your child accessing experiences that best help them learn how to keep themselves safe. This balance relies on many factors – the nature of the risk, the age and developmental stage of your child, and their personality.
We would encourage you as the parent to take risks too. Try encouraging your child to use scissors, or to butter their own toast and then, as your confidence grows in their abilities, try more complex tools. We promise you, you will be amazed at their abilities!
Tips for supporting risky play
1. Focus on the positive aspects of risky play
It’s tricky, but rather than holding the risks in the front of your mind, try to focus on the benefits your child will gain from risky play. This will give you the confidence to relax a little and see what transpires.
2. Mind your language.
Positive language can support your child’s confidence and confident children often make more informed decisions. So, if you find yourself saying “Be careful” or “Come down, it’s too high”, consider using positive phrases, such as “Where do you think your foot can go next?”, “Does that feel wobbly?”, “Do you feel safe?”, and “ I am here if you need me”. This highlights your child’s decision-making and problem-solving skills, and helps make their internal risk assessments more visible. It focuses them on their surroundings and does not make them reliant on you to point out risks.
3. Wait before helping
We know it’s difficult to resist the urge to help your child when they’re struggling, but by intervening too quickly, you may stop a potentially valuable learning experience. Try to wait a little longer before offering advice or use some of the phrases above to support your child to think through possible solutions for themselves.
4. Make time for risky play in your routine
Whether it's helping you to chop vegetables, climbing a tree, lighting a fire or balancing cups in a cupboard, think about what you feel comfortable in safely involving your child with day to day. We think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how capable they are.
"One of the biggest risks for children is that you take away their opportunity to take a risk!" – Alistair Bryce-Clegg