Parents report disturbed sleep for six years after their baby is born – but don’t worry, we’re here to help!

“Are they good?” “When did they sleep through?” “We got 12 hours’ last night!” So much of the way people talk about sleep is unrealistic.

Since when did being a good baby mean being asleep for a prescribed length of time? Waking several times during the night is biologically what a baby needs, so maybe the answer to that question for those of us with babies waking two, three or four times a night is: “Yes, my baby is brilliant at being a baby – they've got this waking regularly for feeds thing nailed!” Seriously, for those of us wondering if we will ever sleep again, what have the scientists found and what might help us?

What is realistic sleep for babies?

Babies need to wake regularly through the day and night for feeds, and newborn babies don’t have a mature body clock yet – so day and night is pretty much the same for them.

During the first year, you baby’s sleep will develop, and they will begin to recognise the difference between night and day. It might not always feel like it, but they will sleep more at night.

Why do I feel so tired?

Lauren from Little Sleep Stars has some thoughts about why you might feel tired – and some of it could be to do with if you are an owl or a lark!

“Almost always a baby’s circadian rhythm manifests with a ‘lark’ chronotypex, meaning babies and small children are naturally inclined to rise early in the day. This can be hard for parents who have typically shifted in adulthood to being ‘owls’, preferring to stay up later in the evening, making those early starts particularly jarring!”^[1]

Will I ever sleep again?

Researchers in Germany asked parents each year about their sleep satisfaction and sleep duration. You probably won’t be surprised to hear that sleep satisfaction was lowest during the first three months after the birth of parents’ first child.^[2]

The good news is that sleep satisfaction and duration did increase but wasn’t fully back to pre-pregnancy levels at the final follow-up six years after the birth of the first child. This could be linked to the arrival of a second or third child.

What can help?

Knowing babies and young children wake at night

Sometimes simply knowing that night waking is not unusual for babies and young children can help. And although it might go against some advice you hear, comforting your baby when they are upset during the day or night can help them to settle in the future.

A simple routine

Having a simple routine at bedtime helps your baby or child to begin to calm for sleep time, and making sure you both get time outside and plenty of time to move during the day can make sure everyone is ready for a rest at bedtime.

A rough plan for night waking and early starts

Think about how you manage disturbed sleep. If you are parenting with a partner, agree how you will manage night waking or early starts, so everyone can get some rest.

Accepting help

If you have friends or family close, ask for some help. It might be as simple as a friend taking your children to the park for half an hour so you can do something different to recharge a bit.

Reference

[1] Randler, C, Faßl. C & Kalb, N (2017) From Lark to Owl: developmental changes in morningness-eveningness from new-borns to early adulthood, Science Reports. Apr 5, 7: 45874

[2] Richter, D., Krämer, M.D., Tang, N.K.Y., Montgomery-Downs, H.E., Lemola, S. (2019). Long-term effects of pregnancy and childbirth on sleep satisfaction and duration of first-time and experienced mothers and fathers, Sleep, 42,(4).