Not 18 summers but thousands of everyday moments

From the moment your child is born, you can feel like your life is suddenly stuck on fast forward. You spend your evenings revisiting old photos, longing for those days of newborn snuggles, muslins filling your washing machine and tiny hands that get lost in your own.  

Then you go onto social media and are suddenly walloped by all the emotions when you’re faced with the ‘only 18 summers’ videos and memes, making you even more aware of how quickly time is passing.  

Now as we ebb closer towards the end of summer, and glimmers of autumn begin to appear, we become ever more mindful that another summer is drawing to a close, and it make us question whether we’ve done enough (yet again).. 

This ‘trend’ is a load of rubbish

The trend is based on the ideas that parents only have 18 summers with their children before they grow up and leave home and it suggests that as parents, we should make the most of every moment and create memorable experiences. If you’re partial to a bit of social media, it is hard to bypass these videos without having your breath taken away a little and as the breathlessness subsides, the guilt sets in.  

You begin to go over the past days and weeks and contemplate all the times you ‘should have’ done this or ‘could have’ done that. You hyper-fixate on every moment you spent on your phone, or minutes you let them watch TV, without giving yourself credit for all the wonderful moments you shared during those hours together. So, while we know that the sentimentality of these videos was well meant, we can’t help but think they don’t help us to relish the time we spend with our children, but instead create unrealistic expectations as well as add more pressure, guilt, and stress to both us and our children. 

Us parents don’t need any more guilt! 

This trend ignores the fact that we as parents have meaningful interactions with our children all year round! It also contradicts the point that connections and communications with our children don’t have to be elaborate to be effective.  

Studies show that simply involving children in our day-to-day routines and communicating with them throughout the day are some of the most effective ways to support their development. Read more here: Keep calm and keep chatting – tips to help your toddler understand and say more (mffy.com) 

This also implies that we must spend a lot of time, money and energy planning and executing elaborate activities, adventures, and holidays to have the perfect summer. Children do not need any of these things to be happy and neither do we!  

So, while a quick look at Instagram might seem like the whole world is creating these lavish summers for their children, the truth of the matter is that it is not feasible nor desirable for many families who have limited resources, jobs, health issues and other responsibilities. 

Much of the reason we invented our app was for parents to enjoy quality time with their children in ways that don’t break the bank, or stress them out. We recognise that time is precious, but in a way that helps you to understand that all the wonderful stuff you’re doing that you might consider mundane is having a hugely positive impact on your child. 

We all need time to slow down 

This trend also overlooks the fact that both children and adults need downtime, independence, and freedom to play how they like during the summer, or at any other point in the year. These things are all important for our children to foster creativity, curiosity, resilience and self-reliance.  

Unstructured playtime also allows children to explore their own interests, encourages social skills and helps to foster and encourage new skills. Read more here: Playing independently could help your toddler build their self-regulation skills (mffy.com)  

So, do not feel guilty about having days at home, that have no plan or structure. Don’t feel guilty about doing some of your day-to-day chores or having to be on a work call while you’re next to your child because both us and our children need these moments to ourselves, it’s just as important as time spent together. 

So, at the end of this summer try to give yourself some grace and space. Put the ‘only 18 summers trend’ to one side and instead write down all memories you want to take from this summer into the future. Did you child learn a new skill? Did you manage to do anything for yourself? Did they try a new food? Or hear some new music? Or say a new word? Or show an interest in letters? Because happiness really does come from taking time to revel in the small stuff, why not look back through you're little one's skills journey and remind yourself just how much you've helped them to learn already.