Can you imagine Easter through the eyes of a young child? All those brightly coloured eggs dotted around your garden for you to find, that turn out to be made from chocolate, that you get to eat? It sounds like the stuff of dreams!
How you celebrate Easter (if you celebrate) varies from family to family, and so does how much chocolate you decide to give your child.
For some, a simple egg might be enough, but you might have family who bring Easter eggs too, or just decide you want to indulge them for a day. But how do you prevent an emotional meltdown over Easter eggs?
Get your eggs in a row
The most important thing you can do is to set clear expectations about how much chocolate your child can eat beforehand and stick to it.
First, decide how much chocolate you need.
Will other family members want to buy Easter eggs too, or might they buy something else (such as a book) instead? It can be good to keep this in mind when you’re planning your shopping. In my experience, you can often end up with far more chocolate in the house than anticipated!
You might also want to make sure your child has a decent breakfast before their egg hunt. Some ideas for Easter Sunday are hot cross buns, or eggs and toast soldiers.
A useful approach might be for the adult to decide on the food that is offered, and for the child to decide how much they eat of it, and then not to comment on how much chocolate has been eaten. This approach might be along the lines of how you give your child snacks, so will feel consistent for them.
What should I do if my child has an emotional reaction?
Setting expectations around how many treats your child can have is really helpful, but there’s still a chance your child might want just that bit more chocolate, and possibly won’t be too happy when you say “no”.
It can be hard not to react yourself as a parent, especially at the end of a long day and when you’re tired, so we’ve included some tips to help support your child cope with any feelings of disappointment they might have, using the five steps of emotion coaching, which can help your child to understand their feelings in many situations.
Step one – Awareness of your child’s emotions.
Notice how your child is feeling. This might not necessarily be what they are saying, as they are still learning to recognise, understand and explain their emotions.
Step two – Recognising your child’s expression of emotion as a moment for teaching and connection.
If your child is upset, angry or disappointed, recognise the expression of their emotion as showing they need support and connection.
Thinking of your child’s expression of emotion in this way can help you to regulate your own emotions, which helps you stay calm to support your child.
This is the case even when your child seems to be saying they don’t want your support, for example, when they say, “You’re not my friend.”
Step three – Listening with empathy and validating your child’s emotions.
When our children are upset or angry, it can feel like we should 'fix’ those feelings and provide a solution to the situation.
But validating your child’s emotions and allowing them to be felt shows them they do not have to hide how they are feeling and is important for their future wellbeing and mental health.
For example, you might say, “I understand. I feel frustrated too when things don’t go my way.”
Step four – Naming your child’s emotions, so they can learn the words to describe their emotions.
Naming emotions can help your child to feel their emotions are valid.
It also helps your child to learn the vocabulary they need to talk about their emotions, which might support them to express how they are feeling in different ways.
“You are upset (or perhaps angry/disappointed) that there’s no more chocolate today.”
Step five – Setting limits and problem-solving.
When you are supporting your child with their emotions, you will clearly communicate that it is ok to feel how they feel.
However, you will still set limits on their behaviour to keep them safe, for example, "We've had all of our chocolate today. Eating too much chocolate in one day might make us feel a bit unwell, but we can have some more at snack time tomorrow."
Be curious about your child’s response.
Perhaps they are tired after all the excitement of the day, and not having that piece of chocolate is just the last straw, or maybe they don't understand that the chocolate will still be there tomorrow.
You could find a safe place or a special box for their eggs. Your child might like to be involved in helping to find the right place or container.
When your child is calm, help them to think about what needs to come next.
What happened to make them upset or angry and what needs to happen now? Your child might need some support to think about this, perhaps with some simple questions and time to think and answer.
Remember, when they are still feeling upset, frustrated or angry, they might not be able to think about all these steps. At that point they might just need your calm, reassuring presence.
And make sure you look after yourself too.
You've worked hard to give your child an enjoyable day, and even if they struggle with their emotions at some point, that is no reflection on their enjoyment of the day.
Try to take some time for yourself to reflect on the time you’ve shared and remember it doesn’t need to have been a perfect day to have been an eggcellent one!