How to talk to your child about the Queen’s death

Hearing the sad news about the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, no matter how you feel about the monarchy, is likely to have affected you in some way. It may be that it brings up the emotions and experiences of past grief, or fears for yourself or your family. It may be a tricky time for all of us, and this means it could also be a tricky time for your child, so we want to share some ideas for talking to your child about death.  

Understanding is better than overhearing and becoming confused 

Even if you feel you can shelter them from the news, or that it won’t seem like a big deal to them, remember that this period of national mourning will change lots of small things in your child’s day.  

Simply the fact that the telly is showing unusual amounts of news, and that people will be talking about the Queen’s death in many of the places you might visit, means that talking to your child about what has happened will help them to process the events unfolding around them.  

Say what you mean, and be clear about it with your child 

Although talking about death can be hard, and as adults we can be tempted to use less emotional phrases like ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘in a better place’ it is far better to use the word dead to explain.  

Abstract ideas about being somewhere else can be confusing, and may even bring anxiety for your child around falling alseep, or going somewhere new.  

If your child hasn’t experienced the death of someone they know, they might want to ask lots of questions about what being dead means. This can be hard for you, it’s okay to take some time to think about your responses but try to answer as clearly as you can in a way which is appropriate for your child’s age.  

Talk about the person and their legacy, celebrate their life 

Celebrating the Queen’s life is going to be a focus of much of the coverage over the next days and weeks, which is wonderful for helping you talk to your child about the Queen’s legacy. Talking about the impact she made, and how that impact will live on, can help your child realise that people’s lives can shape and improve others no matter what.  

Some books for young children to help them talk about death 

We know how hard it can be to talk about death with your child, one of the ways you can start these conversations is through books. There are many wonderful books about death, and about how we can support children to understand the emotions around it. Here are two of our favourites...  

Let’s Talk About When Someone Dies: Starting conversations with children about death and bereavement by Molly Potter   

This book explores death, bereavement and what happens next in simple, everyday language that children can understand and relate to. The book explores what death is, why someone might die and how other people might react to someone dying. It also contemplates what happens after someone dies. We particularly love the tips and ideas for remembering someone who has died. 

Rabbityness by Jo Empson 

This beautiful picture book focuses on the wonderful legacy left behind for family and friends by a much loved rabbit. Although the book does not specifically say that Rabbit has died, the implication is there. Through colourful pictures and a simple story Rabbityness celebrates individuality, encourages the creativity in everyone and positively introduces children to dealing with loss of any kind.