It can be a challenging time of year for many reasons, from the mental load to loneliness to strained family relationships. We’ve pulled together a few ideas to help you have a Christmas which feels good for you, whatever it looks like.
When we think about Christmas, we might have a mental image of how it looks – Christmas trees, twinkling lights and mince pies for some, boxes of chocolates and presents for others. This can make us think about things we need to get or organise to make our Christmas special. But it might be worth thinking about the things that make you feel good at Christmas.
If you made a list of your three most cherished Christmas memories, what would they be? They can tell you a lot about what you could prioritise. Maybe it’s quality time spent with loved ones, or some space to relax, or being sociable. Whatever it is, when you’re planning Christmas, check if the plans you’re making are likely to give you that feeling.
Our children really need very little to experience the magic of Christmas. The connection they feel with those close to them and special time spent together is the most important part for them, so rather than feeling pressure to come up with elaborate plans, you could embrace the small moments together.
Part of the reason so many of us feel our stress levels rising throughout December is because we are carrying around preposterously long to-do lists in our heads. Once you have children, these lists grow even longer (anyone else struggling to remember the lobster costume for the nursery nativity production on top of the Christmas food shop?). Try this exercise: write out every single thing related to Christmas that’s in your head, right now. Every last one.
Now, you have to either delegate, ditch or plan to do each item. You must do all three, so some things will absolutely be ditch-able when you think about it, and you definitely need to delegate too, whether to a partner, friend or family member if you can. Then, prioritise your remaining items and schedule them realistically. Remember, you need to schedule rest and downtime for yourself in there too – this is absolutely a priority, so no ditching this one!
To follow on from the last point, please remember it’s absolutely fine to ask for help. Maybe there are tasks other people can help you with in the lead-up to the big day, but also on the day itself you could consider dividing the tasks up to different people. Maybe someone can look after the children and another prep the veg? Could someone be assigned to wash the dishes? Remember, pre-schoolers and even toddlers can help set out napkins and cutlery, so think of any little jobs they could do. They will really enjoy feeling involved.
Spending time with family can be a wonderful experience but can also be a bit much for some of us, depending on your relationship with your family members. We have a blog on negotiating relationships at Christmas here, which offers helpful ideas on how to cope with family.
Spending days indoors with family and young children can be a lot for anyone, so definitely think about rugging up and taking your little one for a walk for some fresh air and headspace. It’s amazing how much better a bit of time outside can make you feel.
Think about ways you feel restored, relaxed or revitalised. Can you schedule in some time for these, both in the lead-up to Christmas and over the festive period? It could be a long bath, some stretching, an exercise class, or curling up with a good book. Even a few slow breaths in and out can help to restore calm and make you feel more grounded.
If you have worries or anxieties that feel overwhelming, there are lots of organisations offering help, both at Christmas and beyond. You can contact Samaritans at any point by calling free on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or you may be able to call in at a local centre. They can also signpost you to more specialist services, for example for financial stress. PANDAS are another fantastic organisation which offers support to parents.
No matter what a good Christmas looks like for you, we hope you have a merry one.