Firework Feelings – a way to talk that’s good for their wellbeing

Talking about your experiences and memories is not only good for your child’s cognitive development – but has also been shown to be good for their mental health and emotional wellbeing into their teenaged years. Here’s how to use shared memories, like seeing fireworks, to help them develop these skills. 

A long-running study^[1] of 115 mothers and their toddlers, which began 14 years ago, found that children who talked about experiences in more detail had greater social and emotional skills than those who didn't.  

Mothers in the study were given coaching and encouraged to talk about memories with their child using a style of talking called elaborative reminiscing. 

These children reported fewer symptoms of depression as they became teenagers. They were also able to talk about big events in their lives more coherently than children in the control group, whose mothers did not receive the training in elaborative reminiscing.    

When the children taking part in the study were interviewed aged 15, those whose mothers received elaborative reminiscing training were able to talk about their lives with greater insight into how the events had shaped them as people.   

The good news is that talking to your child in a way which uses elaborative reminiscing is much easier than it sounds.  

It simply means talking about experiences or memories in detail, paying attention to the emotions and senses that came along with the event.  

You can talk about anything in this way – you don’t have to be discussing a life-changing moment or expensive family holiday.  

Shared experiences like watching fireworks are a perfect way to embrace elaborative reminiscing.

Here are some ideas to make the most of that experience, and support your child’s development while you do. 

These ideas build on each other, so you will probably use some of the tips from the baby ideas with your toddler or child, or you can mix and match ones which feel right to you. 

Babies 

• Talk about things as they're happening.  
• Comment on what you can see, hear, smell and touch.  
• Talk about how you feel and how you think others around you feel.  
• Pause and give your baby time to respond with a smile, wriggle, or sound.

Toddlers 

• Try to find a time with few distractions.  
•  Use photos or video to start a conversation.  
• Add a little to what your toddler says, for example if they say, "Bang!" comment, "That one whizzed into the air and made a loud bang didn't it!" 
• Talk about how you felt, what you could see and hear and what you could smell.

Children 

• As with the ideas to use with a toddler, try to find time for a chat where it is quiet and use photos to encourage conversation.  
• Comment to add to what your child says, instead of asking lots of questions.  
• Use a few comments or questions to help them remember the order things happened.  
• Encourage them to talk about how they felt. For example, "Oh yes that one went bang, how did you feel when you heard that noise?"  
• Pause and give your child time to think and respond.

We have lots more in-depth examples of how to use elaborative reminiscing, and how to do it well with your child, here.  

Read more about how memories are created, and what that means for your child, in this article.  

Look out for more firework activity ideas being shared in app later this week! 

References:  

[1] Mitchell, C & Reese, E. (2022) ‘Growing Memories Coaching mothers in elaborative reminiscing with toddlers benefits adolescents' turning‐point narratives and wellbeing’. Journal of Personality. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12703