Beyond the first five years – getting older siblings involved

It is a very rainy Sunday, and my children are stalking the window, looking for an opportunity to get outside. We have four children between the ages of three and eleven, so finding something to entertain everyone can be tricky. Our three-year-old has started bouncing on the sofa singing the Bluey soundtrack on repeat, while his older brother is launching a bouncy ball across the room. The eldest has decided that now is a good time to bake(!) and her sister is turning the cupboard upside down looking for a Pritt Stik. Our house suddenly feels very small.  

I know I need to channel some energy, but everything I suggest (as is often the case when you try to dictate the fun) is rejected. I am also conscious that any activity for the youngest is going to be inappropriate for the older kids, so I sit on my hands and try to avoid resorting to the television.   

Eventually, I decide I need to stage some sort of intervention. When it’s just me and our three-year-old at home, I might turn to the My First Five Years app at this point. I know it will give me an idea for something we can play, or will reassure me that it is ok to find days like these tricky. So, on a whim, I pass the nine-year-old my phone and show him the app. I explain how it works and which skills our three-year-old is currently developing.  

He is immediately interested and runs to find some wooden blocks. It is then that something unexpected happens. He reads the background detail out loud and then the suggested activity – this one is about how to help our youngest learn to copy simple models. There is a light bulb moment.  

“Oh, I see,” my eldest son exclaims, “so he can’t remember harder models yet. Ok, so I’ll start with just a few blocks and then see if I can add on one more.” 

And with that, they are off. The three-year-old spends longer than ever before copying models that his older brother is creating for him. Both are thrilled when he manages to complete the challenge. They are laughing and knocking them down together and then the game progresses into something totally different that they continue to enjoy. My other children gradually make their way onto the rug and bigger, more complicated models are being built to copy. Yes, this only lasts for 20 minutes or so, but then he is asking to borrow my phone again for another idea of something they can play/learn.   

I’m reminded that, just like adults, older children do not always find it easy to adapt or create play opportunities for little ones. Some do, but it isn’t a given. My boys adore each other but the eldest tends to kick the football too hard and the youngest has a habit of arriving at just the right time to destroy an almost-completed jigsaw puzzle. There is a lot of frustration and miscommunication in their play. Which is probably completely natural and to be expected, after all they are very different in age.

But the app was providing two things: a starting point for my eldest to understand and empathise with his little brother, and a clear idea of an appropriate game he could set up and try. He is naturally competitive so, after reading about how little children learn to catch a ball, this is something I now see them practising in the garden regularly. I think he enjoys the responsibility, and this definitely helps him to develop new skills too as he supports and encourages his little brother.   

Of course, my adult supervision is still necessary and I’m not going to be giving over full control of the app anytime soon – I get far more from using it than just the activity ideas. But allowing his older siblings to be a part of how we use it has been lovely. They often adapt the play themselves and also love to take pictures to log in his scrapbook. To be honest, they probably remember to do this more often than I do!  

This wasn’t something I ever expected to happen and has been a really lovely additional benefit. So, if you’re wondering whether the app is workable when you have a bigger family, maybe including older children, I’d say that it 100% can be. Anything that encourages more play all round can only be a good thing.