Flow is achieved when you’re fully involved in what you’re doing, to the point where you don’t notice time passing. Activities where you experience flow feel good!
You might think it would be hard to find flow when you’re with your children, as often you’re thinking about several things at once and it can be difficult to fully focus in the moment, but this might not be the case!
People experience flow when there is just the right balance of challenge, skills and motivation.
You’re motivated when playing with your child, by simply enjoying time with them, but also by the knowledge that you are helping them to enjoy what they’re doing and to master skills.
You also get immediate feedback as you see their concentration, enjoyment and pride as they learn something new.
So, playing and interacting is enjoyable, but also gets you thinking as you decide exactly when and how to join in, comment, make a suggestion or ask a question. As you read skills, activities and articles in the app, you’ll have even more knowledge of exactly how you can help your child master skills.
And when you're able to get rid of other distractions you can get lost in playing with your child. Whether that’s being totally absorbed as you lie on the floor with your baby and chat as they wriggle; walking with your toddler and noticing the weeds in the wall or the bugs on the pavement; or building with your child and completely loosing track of time as you make and admire a home for their toys!
Combining all these elements, playing and interacting with your child could be a time when you achieve flow, and that’s what two researchers decided to investigate further.[2]
The researchers recruited 832 employed parents (371 men, 461 women) who spent at least three afternoons a week with their children.
The parents completed diary entries about the previous day, describing key things they’d done, who they were with, how long they had spent and then using a scale to say if they felt negative or positive about it.
They also completed questionnaires designed to measure positive and negative emotions, satisfaction with life and parental self-efficacy (a parent’s belief in their ability to do what their child needs and their feeling that they’re a good parent).
The results from all these things were looked at by researchers, who used the diary entries to identify flow experiences and the results from questionnaires to see if there were links between flow and well-being.
The results suggest that interacting with their children was associated with flow and positive emotions – which the researchers argue shows that parenting gives opportunities for you to experience flow.
They also found that experiences of flow when parents were with children were linked to parents feeling more positive emotions, having greater self-efficacy and satisfaction, and greater well-being.
The first thing to make clear is that the research didn’t show that every moment of parenting was full of engagement, joy and flow – we all know that’s unrealistic.
What it does show is that spending time with your child can be engaging and joyful, especially when you give yourself time where this is the only thing you need to think about.
References:
[1] Csikszentmihalyi, M., (2002). Flow: The Psychology of Happiness. Rider
[2] Shoshani, A. & Yaari, S. (2022). ‘Parental flow and positive emotions: Optimal experiences in parent-child interactions and parents’ well-being'. Journal of Happiness Studies, 23, 789-811.