Another reason to play today – playing with your child might make you happier

The book Flow: The Psychology of Happiness by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi was published in 2002.^[1] Since its publication finding ways to achieve flow has been the focus of research in everything from sport to workplace performance, and recently in parenting.  

Flow is achieved when you’re fully involved in what you’re doing, to the point where you don’t notice time passing. Activities where you experience flow feel good!  

You might think it would be hard to find flow when you’re with your children, as often you’re thinking about several things at once and it can be difficult to fully focus in the moment, but this might not be the case! 

Flow and playing with your child 

People experience flow when there is just the right balance of challenge, skills and motivation.  

You’re motivated when playing with your child, by simply enjoying time with them, but also by the knowledge that you are helping them to enjoy what they’re doing and to master skills.  

You also get immediate feedback as you see their concentration, enjoyment and pride as they learn something new.  

So, playing and interacting is enjoyable, but also gets you thinking as you decide exactly when and how to join in, comment, make a suggestion or ask a question. As you read skills, activities and articles in the app, you’ll have even more knowledge of exactly how you can help your child master skills. 

And when you're able to get rid of other distractions you can get lost in playing with your child. Whether that’s being totally absorbed as you lie on the floor with your baby and chat as they wriggle; walking with your toddler and noticing the weeds in the wall or the bugs on the pavement; or building with your child and completely loosing track of time as you make and admire a home for their toys!  

Combining all these elements, playing and interacting with your child could be a time when you achieve flow, and that’s what two researchers decided to investigate further.^[2] 

What did the researchers do?  

The researchers recruited 832 employed parents (371 men, 461 women) who spent at least three afternoons a week with their children.  

The parents completed diary entries about the previous day, describing key things they’d done, who they were with, how long they had spent and then using a scale to say if they felt negative or positive about it.  

They also completed questionnaires designed to measure positive and negative emotions, satisfaction with life and parental self-efficacy (a parent’s belief in their ability to do what their child needs and their feeling that they’re a good parent).  

The results from all these things were looked at by researchers, who used the diary entries to identify flow experiences and the results from questionnaires to see if there were links between flow and well-being.  

What did the results show?  

The results suggest that interacting with their children was associated with flow and positive emotions – which the researchers argue shows that parenting gives opportunities for you to experience flow.  

They also found that experiences of flow when parents were with children were linked to parents feeling more positive emotions, having greater self-efficacy and satisfaction, and greater well-being.  

What do these results mean for you and your child? 

The first thing to make clear is that the research didn’t show that every moment of parenting was full of engagement, joy and flow – we all know that’s unrealistic.  

What it does show is that spending time with your child can be engaging and joyful, especially when you give yourself time where this is the only thing you need to think about.  

Things to think about to find flow with your child 

• Choose activities you enjoy – there are lots of ideas on your activities page, look through and choose something you know you’ll enjoy. 
• Remove distractions – you probably have a million things you need to think about, but when you play focus on being in that moment with your child. This could mean putting your phone in another room, planning when you’ll do other things so you don’t need to think about that when you're playing, and deciding you haven’t got time for some things too so crossing them off your mental checklist.  
• Use mindfulness approaches – if you notice your thoughts are drifting away bring yourself back to this moment with your child by noticing what you can see, hear, feel and smell.  
• Reflect on your play with your child – at the end of the day, or when your child is napping pause and think about three things you enjoyed doing with them. Looking at the skills journey in your app might help sometimes, as it will remind you of all the things you’re helping them to achieve when you’re having fun. 

References:  

[1] Csikszentmihalyi, M., (2002). Flow: The Psychology of Happiness. Rider 

[2] Shoshani, A. & Yaari, S. (2022). ‘Parental flow and positive emotions: Optimal experiences in parent-child interactions and parents’ well-being'. Journal of Happiness Studies, 23, 789-811.