How to play with toys that don’t do anything

We are having a clear-out and, to my horror, my husband has put the beautiful wooden stacking rainbow (you know the type) in the ‘give away’ pile. 

“That can’t go,” I practically shriek. “Aside from the fact it was pretty expensive AND looks beautiful on the shelf, he plays with that quite a lot,” I continue. I’m talking about our three-year-old.  

“Does he?” comes the reply. “But it doesn’t actually do anything. What does he do with it?” 

“Well,” I start, “it can be a ramp or a cradle or a tower, and it definitely does get played with and...” I’ve not finished but he’s moved on to the next drawer, resigned to the fact that the rainbow is staying.  

However, the conversation repeats. Coloured silk-like squares of fabric are described as “garbage,” teddies as “pointless” and a random drawer containing pretend mobile phones and the like as “tat”. My husband plays with our children a lot but in very specific ways. Which is perfectly normal, we all have types of play we prefer. He likes to build Lego with them, do jigsaws, play with musical instruments, and will happily play anything outside. He is exceptionally logical and organised. If something is going to take up space in our house, apparently, it has to “do something”.  

And as much as I would like to claim that this is his problem alone, I have to admit that when it comes to our children’s play, I also struggle with certain toys. There are a few items that do seem to just look nice which I have no idea what to do with. I see a set of small wooden balls online that get rave reviews and wonder if I am missing something. I struggle to know where to start with turning a set of mixing bowls from the kitchen into a game. 

So, I thought I would ask our My First Five Years experts for their advice. 

Are toys that ”don’t do anything” really good for young children, and why? I’m thinking about said rainbow, stacking stones, sensory fabrics, et cetera.

These toys (and objects that aren’t necessarily toys) are great. For babies, they can simply give them the chance to hold, move and find out about objects that are made of different weights and textures.  

For toddlers and older children, it takes away the pressure of what you ‘should’ do with a toy and lets the child use and develop their own ideas. These will start quite simply, for example, it’s shaped like a phone, I’ll pretend it’s a phone. But then the ideas will grow and become more complex – and your child’s ideas won’t be limited by what the toy is ‘really’ for! 

It can help to think about this piece of advice about choosing toys, “Look for a toy that is 10 per cent toy and 90 per cent child”. [1] If a toy is directing your child too much, they aren’t getting the benefits of play in terms of developing their own thinking and creativity – your child should be doing more than the toy!  

Have you got any advice for parents who struggle with knowing what to do when playing with this type of thing? 

I would say, don’t be afraid of watching for a bit first. Sometimes we feel like we need to show children how to play, or have a plan for how they use a toy. But the first step with anything new is for your child to work out what it is, so they will move it round, touch it, and if they are a bit younger, put it in their mouth.  

If your baby is playing with some new toys or objects, the best way to support them is often just to be close by, offering some encouragement and reassurance but really giving them time and space to play.  

If you do decide to play with them, or they ask you to join in, watch what they are doing with the toy and maybe copy them. If they seem a bit unsure, pause for a bit longer so they have time to try something. If they still seem unsure, start doing something yourself and they will probably copy – you could stack a few blocks in front of you or use a piece of fabric to make a roof.  

Don’t feel you have to rush them to pretending the toy is something – there is lots to learn about before they pretend.  

Another tip can be giving your child time to play with or near other children. They might watch what other children do with a toy, then copy them, or an older child might include them in their play and give them some new ideas.  

 In more recent years, the pressure for parents to play constantly with their children has increased but actually there are lots of benefits to children playing both alone and with other children, who may more easily join in with this type of play.  

 If you do have a rainbow that is getting dusty on a shelf (asking for a friend), is there a way to encourage your child to play with this type of thing more? And I suppose, should we be doing so? 

That might depend on a few things. If your child has lots of toys, sometimes that can make choosing a bit tricky, and they will return to the same things over and over again because it feels familiar and safe.  

Sometimes taking some things away for a bit so there is a bit less choice can help children notice something they have forgotten – but leave their favourites alongside a couple of things that get played with a bit less.  

You could also try playing with it yourself. Maybe your child needs some ideas, so when you have a bit of time you could use the rainbow with your child’s favourite toys, animals or people, and make a bit of a story.  

We often say not to take over when you play with your child, but it is ok to give them some ideas as you play with them (or next to them). So, don’t feel you can’t get the rainbow out and turn it into a few boats to rescue some stranded animals – or whatever story you fancy today!  

Some of these toys can be quite expensive. Are there alternative options if you want to encourage this type of open-ended play?

Absolutely. And in fact, many of the activities we suggest in the My First Five Years app use items that you can find around the house or pick up cheaply. We can definitely help to build your confidence in knowing where to look for play inspiration.   

So, the wooden rainbow stays. And not just because it looks lovely on the shelf (which to be fair it does) but because I am now a bit clearer on why and how I can embrace more of this type of play. Plus, the reminder that children gain so much from being allowed to play freely, both alone and with other children, is wonderfully reassuring.  

I’ll get that rainbow down and pop the kettle on!  

 [1] Hirsh-Pasek, K. and Golinkoff, R. (2007), ‘‘The psychologists’ six toy-buying principles’’, in Ahuja, A. (Ed.), ‘‘Trouble in Toytown’’, The Times (London), December 20.