Fathers don't babysit their own children – it's just called parenting!

Ever been told you’re lucky your partner ‘baby-sits’, or found people keen to heap praise upon your partner for, you know, parenting? 

It can be a bugbear for many when male partners are showered with praise for run-of-the-mill parenting like taking their child to the park or just looking after them (sometimes weirdly referred to as ‘baby-sitting’ when the dad does it), which mums would rarely receive compliments for. It can also feel insulting for dads themselves, many of whom are building relationships with their children that are much closer than the more stand-offish approach that was the norm in previous generations. 

In the past, the role of a father was often confined to that of the breadwinner and disciplinarian, but this has changed significantly in recent years, and many dads now want to have a much more hands-on role, not to mention families with single dads or where the parents are both fathers, fulfilling all their child’s needs. 

So much of the research we read about babies involves studies of mothers and babies, with fathers often left out of the picture. But increasingly, researchers are including dads in their work and finding out more about the ways everyone who cares for your baby plays an important role in their development.    

Myths about dads 

In 2014, Adrienne Burgess, CEO and head of research at the Fatherhood Institute, outlined five myths about dads, which (in most cases) are untrue.[1]   

Dads aren’t involved.   

Mums are ‘naturally’ more able to care for children.    

Babies need one attachment figure.   

Only interactions between baby and one person matter.   

Dads' involvement doesn’t make much difference to babies’ development.   

In fact, when parents cooperate with each other, babies are more likely to develop the ability to pay attention to two people, looking from one person to another during interactions.[1]    

In 2022, the Fatherhood Institute published the report Bringing baby home.[2] They found that in the year following birth, most biological fathers in the UK were involved in their baby’s care.    

They also found that high quality interactions between fathers and their babies were associated with positive outcomes for children, right up to adolescence.  

We know that babies need the people who care for them to notice what they need and respond to them – and that it will be made possible by this generation of parents who want to raise their children differently.[3]   

Working together 

If this resonates with you, think about what works for you and your family. How do you share caring for your baby? Do you each have time with your child alone, as well as interacting together? Are there any ways you can make sure both parents feel equally confident and involved?   

Some ideas might be to make sure you share information about your child together, for example, you can share your My First Five Years app log-in with your partner and take it in turns to look at their skills and think about activities, or look at it together and discuss it with each other. 

You can talk about your child’s needs, likes and dislikes, so that both parents can feel confident to do the food shopping, or to buy those new clothes or toys. 

Parenting is made up of so many often-invisible daily tasks and considerations, but by getting them out into the open, you can make sure that you are both confident to share them as equal partners in parenting. 

Challenging parenting stereotypes can be difficult, but the benefits for children, fathers and mothers alike are worth it, and will be felt long after Father’s Day. 

References:   

[1] Burgess, A. (2014) ‘Men, myths and babies: why and how new dads matter’. International Journal of Birth and Parent Education, 1(3), 27-31.    

[2] Burgess, A. & Goldman, R. (2022). Bringing Baby Home: UK fathers in the first year after the birth (full report). Contemporary Fathers in the UK series. London: Fatherhood Institute.  

[3] Davies, J. (2023, 2 January) More men want to be stay-at-home dads and better fathers. Why won’t politicians help them? The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/jan/02/stay-at-home-dads-father-shared-parenthood