Acts of remembrance with young children

The country will pause to mark Remembrance Day this Sunday, so we’re looking at ways to remember with young children. 

The concept of war can be overwhelming for young children to understand but talking to your child about your own family history can teach them the importance of remembering generations gone by and help them to understand ongoing bonds in a more accessible way. 

Babies and young children learn by being actively involved in what they are doing through looking, touching, listening and moving, so you could involve all these methods in learning about your family member. 

You could look at photographs or objects you might have of family members who have passed away and use them to start to talk about the family member. 

If you have objects your child could touch, such as Grandma’s teddy, your child could hold or play with them while you talk about your loved one. 

You might talk about what life was like for that person growing up years ago, about the games they played, what they enjoyed doing, or something that reminds you of them. 

The ‘A letter to...’ feature on the My First Five Years app scrapbook would also be a good way to remember a loved one together. Perhaps you could write a letter to your loved one, highlighting what your child would like to tell them, or questions they might have that you might be able to answer. 

You could also consider playing some of your loved one’s favourite music. Music is a powerful tool in memory, and babies and children love to listen to music and move (or be moved gently). Listening to music and dancing with your child or rocking your baby is a fun, engaging way to remember someone you care about. 

In terms of Remembrance Day itself, your child will probably really struggle to observe the two minutes’ silence if you are out and about somewhere. Don’t worry if they can’t manage it – two minutes is a long time for a young child to be still and quiet. Instead, maybe you could spend some time together talking about people who you’ve loved and lost together. 

Death is a difficult concept for young children to comprehend, and you might find your child asks questions about dying to help their understanding. The questions they ask could seem unusual or blunt, but this is simply their way of exploring the topic at this stage of their development, so just answer them honestly. 

Although your child may not remember memories from their youngest years when they’re older, these experiences play an important role in shaping their brain development. And it’s never too soon to share those special acts of remembering with your child.